forgiveness Archives | Bad Days Better

I read a book that changed my life.  It changed how I look at things and how I do things and how I think.  It was call “The heart of the Problem”  below is kind of some thoughts.

I am not sure why it is so hard for us to say we are sorry or to simply ask for forgiveness.  I am assuming it really boils down to pride and for whatever reason our fear.  We never want to admit that perhaps we said something wrong or did something wrong.  We don’t want to admit that perhaps we handled something wrong or that perhaps we should have our could have handled things differently.  We don’t want to admit that perhaps we had a bad attitude, or a wrong attitude, or a critical spirit when we should not have.  Why?  Why do we carry around strange feeling for other people.  Why do we want that baggage with us.  Why do we sit and wonder what others are thinking about us or whether they think about us at all.  Why are we so willing to harbor bitterness or to deny that we are at fault in anything.

To many times Christians have broken relationships and for whatever reason we think it is ok or that it will just go away.  I find nowhere in scripture that it is just ok.  I can not find anywhere where if we have offended our brother or sister that the best way we handle it is to do nothing.  I also do not find anywhere in scripture that if we have offended another or sinned against them and they ask for forgiveness that we can just assume that we have no responsibility.

The world looks at us as Christians and the very thing that we are to show them we lack.  We lack the desire to truly forgive, we lack the desire to love our neighbor as ourself, we lack the desire to ask for forgiveness.  Really we lack humility and somehow we gloss over it and we think that it is all ok.  Well it is not all ok.  It is sin and there is no human remedy for it.  It will not just fix itself.

I am sure there are people that dont like me much and I am sure there are those that are holding a grudge against me or even are bitter towards me.  I wish I knew who they were I wish they would be brave enough just to tell me so I could say I am sorry so I could ask for forgiveness, so restoration could take place.  So they could deal with any sin of bitterness or anger they have towards me, and so we could display to a world that is looking for christians to be real could see what Christianity is truly about.

So if you are reading this and I have offended you or you are angry at me or bitter towards me for some reason.  Wherever you are, whatever your thoughts I would ask for your forgiveness and say I am sorry for anything that I have done that may have caused harm.

I have been giving some thought to wisdom lately.  God’s word tells us that the wisdom of man is foolishness.  I have often wondered if I have used my own wisdom (I use that term loosely) in making decisions or how often we have relied on our own wisdom instead of God’s.

Today I read this verse in 2 Corinthians 1:12

For our boasting is this: the testimony of our conscience that we conducted ourselves in the world in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom but by the grace of God, and more abundantly toward you.

You know we have to be so careful that when we make decision that we are not acting out of fleshly wisdom.  Fleshly wisdom really flies in the face of God.  Think about it we are told to love our enemies is that what fleshly wisdom says to do?  Or we are told to turn the other cheek however fleshly wisdom says get even.  God has continued to remind me of His grave over these past weeks.

You see sometimes I want to get angry or upset about something.  There are times that I want to be frustrated but I realize what is the point.  When I fail to forgive I am reminded of how much I have been forgiven.  You see god is calling us to look at others as he sees them.  He sees the heart and so often we fail to look inward and focus on the outward.  You see it does not make any sense to forgive someone that has wronged, or has talked bad about us, or even done things to harm us.  Fleshly wisdom says do not forgive  but when I decide to act according to how God would have me respond I remember I have been forgiven much.  Because I have been forgiven mush I must forgive much.

Last night our youth pastor spoke using Matthew 5:21-26 as his text.  I wanted to write about this because not only have their been timed that I have not forgiven others but there have been times when others have not forgiven me.  This will be along post but I hope you can benefit from it if you read it through.  I have given several messages over this text to my memory although I believe the last time I preached on this text was way back in 2006 when I lived in PA.  Anyway this passage just got me to thinking about how we often act and react as Christians.  I wish I could say I have always acted and reacted perfectly but the truth is I have not.  I have also witnessed others not acting or reacting appropriately to problems and situation.  Some of these have been just regular church attenders all the way up to pastors in the church.

In Matthew 5:21-26 Jesus starts out by telling us that murder is against the law.  This seems weird because it is kind of like duh.  In addition we know that murder is wrong and against the law and in reality none of us are thinking about going out and murdering someone.

But the next thing you know Jesus starts talking about being angry.  What we are reading when Christ starts talking about anger is that we have indeed misinterpreted the law.  Which is really no surprise because we do this quite often when we don’t want to obey scripture we just misinterpret it so it does not apply to us.  What we have done is taken the law and applied it to only murder to say well murder is really the sin but that is not what Christ teaches us.

You see murder runs so much deeper than the actual act of murder.  Murder is often hidden within us and anger is murder.  Have you ever thought that anger is a sin.  I remember thinking I had righteous anger once and a young lady checked me on it.  I of course at that time defended myself but later came to realize she was right how could I say I had a right to be angry.  Anger and its components is sin bitterness, indignation, striking out against someone, slandering someone, saying things that hurt others, saying things that will cause someone to think negative of someone else, rage, desiring hurt for someone else, killing another person’s happiness these are all sin.  and it does not matter how much we try to justify it they are all sin.

In addition we see the progression of anger in these verses.  When we do not deal with anger or the components as mentioned above it just sits in us and festers up.  Soon we cant forget what someone has done to us and soon all we want is revenge.  We want that person to pay.

Secondly the next thing we know is our has caused us to despise others.  Now we begin to make fund of and belittle other people every chance we get.  We are so filled with pride that we think we can get away with our sinful behavior.  Now we are waling all over and trampling others and we literally begin to tell ourselves that the person we are angry with deserves any bad thing that may happen to them.

Finally when not dealt with he move to the point that our anger causes us to try to destroy another person and their reputation.  We want to destroy them morally, intellectually, and spiritually.

All too often we try to justify our anger.  We think somehow we have the right to be angry with someone because after all they hurt us or they did something to us.  Yet how often Christ forgives us when we have continually turned our back on Him.  Too often Christians have hurt feelings between each other or neighbors, or spouses, or friends and they refuse to deal with their feelings.  Instead they have anger and in reality murder in their heart.

Here is the deal.  God’s word makes it clear that our anger will be judged and yet we refuse to do anything about it.  He even makes it clear that our anger is judged by danger of hell fire.  Yet we justify our anger and excuse.  We justify our unforgiveness  and think it is ok.  Now before you think I have done nothing wrong you need to bear with me.

Here is the deal if we have anger or unforgiveness then we need to be reconciled.  In fact reconciliation must always precede worship.  In fact even if we are waling into church to worship and realize there is a problem with a brother or sister we need to turn around from worship and be reconciled.  Christ is saying that reconciliation is more important than worship.  How often do we his our unforgiviness in worship.  We go to church and we sing nice little worship songs that make us feel all nice and warm inside, we may even raise our hands and its all fake because deep down inside we have unfrogiveness in our heart and therefore our worship is in vain.

God does not accept the worship of a person that has anger or unforgiveness in their heart towards him or towards any of His people.  If we have broken fellowship with others we have broken fellowship with God.  If we are not right with another person then we are not right with God.  If we have bad feelings towards another person that we have bad feelings towards God.  This is strong.  We cant just hope to be right with God when we are no right with others.  If we want to be reconciled with God we must be reconciled with God.

Instead of thinking about the damage that we feel has been done to use we must be reconciled to others.  If not we are merely wasting our time.  I cant help but think how often I have come into worship God in vain all because of unfrogiveness.  What is wrong with picking up a phone, or writing an email, or writing a letter.

I know what it is like to feel wronged and still ask forgiveness, and not have it recriprocated but that is what I love about about verse 23 is it does not tell us if we remember that we have a problem with out brother but it says we remember our brother has a problem with us.  Man that blows me away.  If we remember that our brother has a problem with us then we are supposed seek reconciliation.

I just want to challenge you if you have unforgiveness in your heart or you know someone is upset with you why not get make it right?  Just some thoughts from a former Youth Pastor and a future Pastor.

As  I watched this testimony I could not help feel how powerful this testimony is not only to the grace of God but also the saving work of Jesus Christ.

Yesterday was a busy day for me.  I spent the day seeing patients for the first time and spent the day with several people.  I had a good day it was fun to spend time with some people yet at the same time difficult knowing that these people are in the last days of their lives. 

I enjoyed my time with one patient in particular.  We took time to look at an old car magazine together and I read to him about some of the cars.  We looked at the prices of some of the cars when they first came out and I shared with him what the horsepower was.  Even though he could not speak well enough fro me to understand him I could see in his expression and in his eyes that he liked the fact that I took the time to be with him.  It saddened me to know that perhaps this guy had a very little interaction with men now that he was in a nursing home and more then likely he was lonely and wanted a man to just show some interest in him and who he was.  I knew he liked cars because he had a picture of an old car hanging on his board.  My time with him was valuable.

However, this got me to thinking.  What would it be like to talk to someone and to know that they can not understand you.  I know his mind works but it must be difficult to know you can not communicate in a way that people understand you.  For some reason my thoughts turned to forgiveness.  What would it be like to want to say to someone “I forgive you yet not be able to”.  How difficult that must be.

My thoughts have turned to my father.  My father was alcoholic and that is really all I knew him as.  In fact it was a rare moment that my father was sober.  I remember the yelling and the screaming I remember the violent way he behaved when he was drunk.  I could not stand it.  I wanted an escape a way out.  Eventually my mother and father were divorced and I rarely saw my dad.  It got to the point where I never say him and in fact did not even know where he was.  I remember when my dad first found where I was and I m in that first letter he wrote and asked if I would ever be able to forgive him.  My response was “dad I forgave you long ago”  It was barely a year later that my father was murdered on the street of Arizona for a measly 11 dollars.  But what if I had never had the opportunity to tell him I forgave him and what I he never had the opportunity to ask.

This has been on my mind.  Forgiveness can be a powerful thing and I am so thankful that I have been forgiven by Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful for the grace that is experienced through the blood of Jesus Christ.  It took me a long time to get to the point where have forgiven some in my old congregation and how things were handled.  In fact if I am honest bitterness began to take root in me.  Do I agree with how things were handled?  The answer is a resounding no.  Do I forgive how things were handled the answer is yes.  I did not want to forgive but God began to break me and I got to the point where I knew without forgiveness my life would eventually be useless in the hands of the potter.  Now perhaps there are those that think they have done nothing wrong but regardless of the fact I forgive, and have forgiven those that have hurt me.  I pray God’s grace may abound.

I also know that in my life I am not so naive to think that I do not need forgiveness.  I know I have screwed up many times and many times my errors have hurt others maybe those I have hurt will forgive me.  This I know without forgiveness we are not following Christ.  It would be a terrible thing to want to tell someone you forgive them and not be able to say a thing.  

Tomorrow I will spend some time with a man that will most likely be dead very soon I am responsible for his spiritual care.  What would it be like to pass away without forgiving I pray I never know.