family Archives | Bad Days Better

by Josh Monda | Dec 11, 2013 | Uncategorized

Well tonight we had family thanksgiving with my wifes side of the family it really was some good food.  In fact I had some great cranberry relish and some good potatoe stuffing.  As usual I washed it down with my wife’s pecan pie.  I am biased and I know it but my wife males the best pecan pie in the world.      We had a lot of folks here at the ridgeway Baptist church but as I sat hear I was thinking about family and how we are all different.  I am glad that my wife’s family is not the same as my family how boring would life be if we were all the same.  I know for me life would be boring. 

     If I am really honest I use to jot want to come to these things with my wife.  Deep down inside I guess I never really felt welcome but I would always cone to make my wife happy.  I know how lame I am but it is the truth.  Now for the most part I like to come.  But I can’t help but wonder if this is how so many feel coming to our churches.  Do they come in the door looking to be accepted and loved into a family but in the end they feel rejected and not part of the family at all.  I think we are failing miserably in the church and when we stop making church less about our comforts.and more about loving God and loving others we will see Him move.  Lets together change the atmosphere of how we do church.

So I have had alt of churches contacting me over the last weeks which has been crazy in itself.  The reason it is crazy is because I don’t know how alot of these Churches even know about me or that I am available.  Most of these churches are from all over the US Texas, North Carolina, and so forth.  I have never really looked that deep into any of these positions as far as what the towns are like and so forth.  I especially had not looked into the cost of living into any of these places.  

Honestly I am still undecided on what I want to do or pursue.  I really think a year off from full time ministry is probably what is best for me and my family right now as we need to heal.  At the same time I want to be open to where the Lord may lead and doors He may open to me.

Anyway there has been one Pastor that has been in contact with me for a little bit now and has really pursued after me.  They have just built a brand new facility completed a few months ago and are currently running about 60 kids and the church has about 280.  He asked for a statement of beliefs from me and I send it out to him and we seem to have alot in common.  Though I am still unsure what the Lord may want and even though personally this sounds like it would be a perfect fit for me as far as a church and even location though I would still be far from family.

Well here is the part that scares me.  The pastor said I want you to look at the cost of living here as housing is very expensive and that is the downside to our location.  I was thinking well how bad could this be I mean I live in Berks County PA and housing is expensive here so I thought.  Anyways I began to check out realtors and and soon found out that housing was through the roof.  The cheapest house I found was for 189,000 and that was a trailer on some land.  Ouch you talk about expensive.  So I did some more research thinking we could probably rent and be ok.   There was a three bedroom 2 bath trailer for rent it was only 1200 ouch again.  Man this has totally floored me.  After some more digging I found that the cost of living in this place was 16% above the us average.  The good news they are one of the fastest growing counties in the US.  

Well to some it up there is alot of potential in this church and if God calls us there He would definitely have to supply.  Please understand names, and places have been left out intentionally.

Mark Driscoll Archives | Bad Days Better

by Josh Monda | Dec 11, 2013 | Uncategorized

I was recently doing some online surfing and came across this free ebook on Mark Drsicoll’s site.  This book deals with men and porn and is title Porn-Again Christian.  All of the book is not there yet but it will be soon.  Simply click on the link below and bookmark the site they also have an RSS feed.  Warning this book will be very frank.

…some years ago I sat down and in one day wrote a small booklet about male sexuality that we published in-house. Since then we have gone through thousands of copies and literally cannot keep it in stock. I asked some Christian publishers if they wanted it, and they said it was too hot to handle and so they declined.So, I decided to just put it online and give it away for free. The book has had a small amount of editing and rewriting since its original version. We’ll give it away at the Resurgencea bit at a time in conjunction with the Song of Songs series I am preaching titled “The Peasant Princess.” Once the entire book has been put online, it will then be posted as a file that guys around the world can download and read on their computer, forward to their friends, or print copies of to hand out as they like.

I hope this thing goes nuts and hundreds of thousands of guys read it.

In closing, I want to say two things. One, a lot of folks will not like the content or tone of this book and I love them and wish them well. You get what you pay for and this is free. Two, a lot of young guys (and some older guys too) tell me they have been helped by this content and if God uses it to help some guys I would be overjoyed with that. So, let the critics fire away and I’ll gladly take the shots for the guys who are walking wounded in an effort to help them get their shield up and sword sharpened.

Until we see Jesus,
Pastor Mark Driscoll

Porn Again Christian e-Book

In my reading of “Confessions of a reformission rev.” I came across this.

I am still not sure if most pastors are aware that their churches are comprised of people they don’t yet know.  Those people will never come to the churches so the Pastor must go to them.

This is definitely not the norm.  Rarely do we see pastors taking this to heart.  This is once again a difference between a missional church and other churches.  The missional church believes in the fact and clearly teaches that everyone is a missionary what more the missional church teaches how every member can be a missionary.  To often the pastor pawns it off on the people and the people pawn it off on the the Pastor.  However the Pastor and the people must work in concert with one another.  Both must be out meeting knew people.  People are not just going to show up at our churches anymore we have to go get them.

Here is a second quote I found

It was at this time that I realized that our church would never have a sign out front that said “everyone welcome,” because I did not want everyone.

Now perhaps we would say that Driscoll is wrong for this.  But is he really?  How many churches have this idea that everyone is welcome and sure they say that but in reality they do not mean it.  In fact certain people show up and they quickly realize they are not welcome.  What about the person that comes in and causes division in the church are they welcome?  We can think of many circumstance where people may not be welcome cant we?  Something to chew on.

I am reading a book by Mark Driscoll who is the pastor of Mars Hill Church.  The title of the book is Confessions of  a Reformission Rev.  I will probably post about this book throughout the coming weeks as I find things in it that I find interesting.  I am definitely intrigues by the book and love the way Driscoll rights though for some I am sure he would be considered harsh and brash.  While reading the book it was speaking about change and something really stood out to me.

For a church to grow it must also accept that the church will change.  The problem with most churches is not that they don’t want to experience conversion growth but rather that they don’t want to change, which negates their ability to grow and is a sin to be repented of.

Over the years I have been blown away by churches that refuse to change.  Not change just for the sake of change but change in order to be most effective where they are at.  Instead they want to keep things they way they are the same music, the same standards, the same lack of vision, the same programs, etc.  In reality this is sin and should indeed be repented of.  

If the church does not change I am afraid the church will eventually die.  By our refusal to look at and do things in a different way we are telling others they really mean little to us and worse we are often telling our communities that they do not matter.  We are to often inward focused and rarely outward focussed.  Instead of evaluating our community and doing inventory of how we can effectively reach it we get stuck in the rut of doing things the same old way, and think by some miracle people are going to be drawn to our church.  Sadly this is primarily seen in the fundamentalist mindset and the churches refusal to change to a Missional mindset causes stagnation within the congregation and breeds discontent for the generation that wants to be an effective force in their community.

The message to the church has to be clear Change and grow don’t change and don’t grow.

All I can say is wow I read the chapter online from this book and it was moving and amazing.  I do like the way Mark rights.  You can check it out for yourself Here

Or you can just click play below if you have high speed it should work.

grace Archives | Bad Days Better

by Josh Monda | Dec 11, 2013 | Uncategorized

It has been a week since I have had a post so I thought I would get in gear.  I have been watching some basketball games of the local High School here.  The girls team is ranked numbers in the state for 3a ball and they are undefeated they have a good club I hope they do well.  Well anyways I am not going write about basketball but continue my series from the book Why Guys Need God by Mike Erre.  Today I want to share a couple of quotes from chapter 10 and talk about them a little bit.

When we come out of hiding in front of each other, relationship will take hard work and lots of grace.  The church gets lots of criticism because of its imperfections.

So many times we hide who we really are.  Sometimes it is like we have to put on some sort of facade  so people do not see the real us.  I am not sure what drives this perhaps it  is fear of people seeing the real us or fear that we are not good enough.  Rarely do we tell people our real struggles or the things that are keeping us from being all we want to be in Christ or all we can be in Christ.  The truth is if we really do be ourselves then in fact it will take alot of hard work and lots of grace.  Grace to forgive others even when we really do not want to and grace to ask for forgiveness even when we do not want to.  But if we continue to pretend to be someone we are not then the church is just a place where we go to be fake.  The church definitley is not perfect and we are indeed a bunch of reformed sinners going thorug the process of sanctification yet many times we act like we have already been fully sanctified and that we have no problems whatsoever.

I often wonder what would church be like if people were real.  What if a man walked into Sunday school and said I am struggling with pornography and I need help, or what if a woman walked in and said I struggle with gossiping I need help, or how about I have bitterness in my heart I need help.  The church is supposed to be a community loving each other and holding each other accountable but I am afraid we have become a community where everything is based on only what we want people to perceive us to be and not who we really are.  We don’t want people to know our secret sins what will is take for us to stop being superficial and just be honest.  It is so hard.  Here us the second quote.

Most churches teach men how to pretend behind religious fig leaves.  We learn to act in the right religious ways, look the right religious ways, sing the right religious ways, and so on.  We usually are not encouraged to actually share how things really are.  So even though we need to connect with other guys at a really deep level, the church actually often hinders this process.

Prayer isn’t a place to be good; it is a place to be honest.

I already spoke about this above.  I do not think this is a problem for just men either.  I think often we go to church to pretend.  Pretend to be someone we are not and we rarely go just to be honest and admit our struggles.

Tonight I am going to continue on with things I have learned from the book by Mike Erre Why Guys Need God. Chapter four was titled Toil and Thorns.  The following quote really stood out to me

We are looking for who we are as men in what we do.  Our lives are based on work, earning, and performance.  No wonder we are confused when we show up at church and hear about God’s free gift of grace to us. pg. 59

I believe this is so true.  In society today everything we do seems to be based on performance.  As men we sit around and watch sports because we love the competition, we buy new cars because we are concerned about our image, we have to have the latest and greatest gadget so we can look, feel, or seem important.  I once heard a pastor put it this way “we buy things we do not need or want to impress people we do not know.”  So is it confusing for us when we walk into church and here that God’s grace is free absolutely.  I remember doing a free car wash with my teens and people would not understand why in the world we do this for free.  Why would we wash their car for free.  As men we face the same challenge with God’s grace.  It is difficult to understand that we do not have to earn it.

I will give one more quote form chapter four.

The moment we surrender control (or the perceived illusion of it), we find ourselves in the barren wild of God’s ruthless love.  At precisely that point of risk, when we no longer have it in ourselves to impress God or others, we realize we just can’t make life work through our own effort and resources, and we discover the freedom and courage that defines true men. pg.63

The other night at our church we watched a video about letting go of those things that are keeping us from fully serving God.  When the video concluded we all grabbed to handfuls of dirt and symbolically prayed for those things we needed to let go and then dropped the dirt.  I ma so often reminded that I need to empty myself of myself in or to experience that freedom and courage of a true man.

Ministry Archives | Bad Days Better

by Josh Monda | Dec 11, 2013 | Uncategorized

Next year I will be celebrating my 20th year in ministry.  For all 20 of those years I have been involved in youth ministry.  During my time as a youth minister I have seen time and time again Pastors, Youth Pastors, lay leaders, etc.  sacrifice their family for the sake of ministry.  I have had times in the life of my family where I was forced to do a reality check.  Weeks where I was spending 80+ hours in ministry, convincing myself that it was the Lord’s work, therefore it did not matter if I was taking time from my wife.  When I entered the ministry I knew it would not be easy, and likewise when I entered marriage I knew it would not be easy.  I was a student pastor before I was a husband, and there are times when we can wrap our identity up into our ministry while failing miserably in our family.  I have seen families crumble, kids miserable, wives on the brink of leaving and in some cases leaving, all because someone has failed to put their family in front of their ministry.  We must stop.

I really wish I could write to you and tell you I had a great mentor, or a wise man that took me under his wing and showed me how to put my family first, but the truth of the matter is I did not.  The truth is I did not have even a healthy marriage modeled for me, and early on in ministry I sought God’s word to see how I could be a Godly husband and father.  I developed a plan that I knew I must stick to and it looked like this.  God, family, ministry.  My wife knew she was marrying a man that was in pastoral ministry, she knew there would be hard times, and late nights, she new we would never be rich.  However, I am not so sure she knew how hard the times would be, how late those nights would get, or how little money we would actually have at times.  Sometimes it is in the doldrums of ministry that life can seem so difficult.  There is one things that I have repeated to my wife on a constant basis and that is this “if ministry ever takes place of my family, say the word and I will walk away.”  That is not to say I would turn my back on God because I would not, but we must come to a healthy understanding that our first ministry is to our family.  If we can’t effectively minister to our family how in the world are we going to minister in God’s church.  I hate to sound crude but I believe stan at ties is using ministry to effectively destroy families and when a leaders family crumbles it is a terrible testimony to those outside of the church.  The outside world should look at the church as lighthouse of hope however, when the church is getting divorced just as much then we have lost that hope.  We have lost our voice.  Friends the church is failing miserably and at an alarming rate to equip moms and dads not only on marriage but on how to raise their children.  A sermon once or twice a year is not enough.

These are the reasons that I decided to constantly work on my marriage.  My marriage is far from perfect, trust me I have had people peer deep into my life and deep into my marriage and say some very terrible things, often having no idea what they are talking about, this goes with being a leader.  However the joy of marriage for me is that my wife is constantly changing as am I and there always seems to be something new to discover, and I love it.  Very early on my wife and I decided we would attend marriage conferences and we have attended several over the course of our 16 years of marriage and we will attend several more.  These conferences provide a great way for us to discover each other once again.  In fact we are gearing up right now to attend one of those conferences September 21 and 22 we will be heading to Indianapolis to attend the real marriage conference.  Though I may not agree with everything Mark Driscoll says or does as I am able to be discerning, at least he is doing something to try and keep our marriages healthy.  If you would like to check out a video go here Real Marriage.  If you would like to try to make it to the conference go here http://www.gotothehub.com/liveevents/real-marriage.

If you are reading this post then here is my challenge.  Do not use ministry as an excuse to neglect your marriage.  There is never an excuse.

I was reading this blog post tonight and it really spoke to me because this is where I am currently at in my life.

Thanks to http://timschmoyer.com

Last week in a conversation with my mentee, he asked, “How do you know if you’re called to ministry?” If we’re all honest, there have been times when each of us has questioned our calling to ministry, particularly during the difficult times. My mentee is not currently in that situation, but the issue of feeling “called out” of ministry is still a difficult one. When we go into vocational ministry, we often use language like, “God is calling me to serve at this church.” Or, when we leave one ministry position and go to another, we say, “God called me away from that ministry to this new one.” Sometimes we’re clearly over-spiritualizing a situation, sometimes not. But when we start to question the calling, let’s not confuse those emotions with ones of discouragement or insecurity. For example, if you had a lot of people encouraging and supporting you, would you still feel “called out” of ministry? If you felt affirmed by key people in your ministry, would your calling change? Remember, our calling into ministry does not come from people, nor should it be retracted by people. It comes solely from the Lord. If you’re doubting your call to ministry, don’t confuse it with feeling discouraged or insecure. Deep down, we all feel that in ministry.

Affirmation and encouragement are absolutely healthy and necessary things to have in your ministry, but never should we base a calling to ministry on the praise or opinions of others. Base your calling on the Lord’s direction in your life.

Judgment Archives | Bad Days Better

by Josh Monda | Dec 11, 2013 | Uncategorized

Welcome to part 5 of “who are you to judge”  remember we are looking at Matthew 7:1-6.  Today we want to see that the critical judgmental person is in reality a hypocrite.  Before a person can pass judgment they must first get rid of the sin in their own lives.  When we judge and criticize others we are hypocrites.  

In fact when we judge others we prove that we are full of conflict and empty glory.  We prove that we are not humble in mind and that we do not regard others as more important that us.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)

When we judge and criticize we also show that we fail to consider our own selves and we fail to show a spirit of gentleness.  We fail to bear the burden of out brother.

Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2)

When we chose to jude and criticize we are only proving that we are filled with bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice.  We are failing to be tenderhearted and forgiving.  We forget that God through the blood of Jesus Christ has forgiven us.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

There are many people who suffer because of the judgment and criticism of others.  When a person has failed and done some wrong it is not time to kick them or beat them up but it is time for compassion.  It is time to reach out and to pull that person up, not push them away.  This is a time to speak kindly of the person, not to speak destructive talk.  The hypocrite fails to do this.  Where do we find Christ beating the person who is down?  Where do we find Him showing no compassion for that person that has failed?

The only hope for the hypocrite, the one who judges and is critical is for that person to “take the log out of their own eye” then turn to God in repentance.  

The fact of the matter is this when we judge and criticize we are hypocrites.  Why?  Because we too have failed, and we have failed often, so for us to judge another persons failure is hypocritical.  The point is this not only have we failed but guess what? We will one day fail again therefore there are four things we must do.

1.  We have to know ourselves.  We are just as sinful as the next person and we need God’s forgiveness as much as anyone else.  We will need God’s forgiveness, again and again just like anyone else.  We are all sinners and we all have been saved by God’s grace.  

2.  We must not usurp God’s position as judge.  God and God alone is God.  God is the only one that has all the facts and has the ability to judge according to those facts (James 4:11-12).

3.  First we have to cast the log out of our own eye.  We are to first get rid of sin in our own lives, which could be the critical and judgmental spirit that we already posses.  Then we can see clearly and do what what we should be doing; which is helping those who are failing.

4.  We must reach out in compassion and understanding to the person who has failed, not in judgment and criticism.  

Come back tomorrow as we see that this person in undeserving of the gospel and why?

Welcome to part 2 of the series “who are you to judge?” coming from Matthew 7:1-6 I am really not sure if anyone is reading this but I’ll keep going.  Today we are going to look at verse 2 and how we will be judged with the same judgement that was used when we judged others and with the same measurement.  

The first thing we see here in verse 2 is “for in the way you judge you will be judged”  This is a clear statement that the one doing the judging and criticizing will be judged for the very thing he is criticizing.  Whatever he is criticizing, he will condemned for the same thing, not by man but by God Himself.  This alone should move us to care and love and to live a life of compassion.

Secondly we see that the one doing the judging and criticizing will be judged with equal measure that he uses to judge.  I found that it could be stated several ways.  

• The Law of equal judgment        
• The law of equal measure
• The law of equal retributions
• The law of reciprocal action
• The law of equal weight
• The law of equal proportion
• The law of equal retaliation
• The law of equal sin

However you look at it you will measured with the same measure you have used.  

But it really does not stop there James tells us that the one who does not show mercy will receive a merciless judgment James 2:13

Jesus takes it even farther when he tells us in Luke 6:36-37 ”Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.  Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.

We must be so very careful when we have the attitude of setting ourselves up as judge and when we begin to immediately become critical of others and what they are doing. 

We are told in Romans that if we judge others and criticize others we have no excuse we had better expect to be judged ourselves.  ”Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.” Romans 2:1

This is serious so often we pay little attention to our judgmental and critical attitude and we think it is ok.  But as was already shared from James 2:13 God will forgive a repentant sinner but it is also clear the there is no mercy for the one that does not show mercy.   This is a scary thought and this alone should cause us to really stop before we judge.

I will close today’s post with this.  When we think of casting judgment and being critical, when we think of ourselves as maybe better then someone else or we attempt to knock someone down a little.  Think of these two passages of scripture and think of being compassionate and not judgmental and critical.

For the same God who said, “You must not commit adultery,” also said, “You must not murder.” So if you murder someone but do not commit adultery, you have still broken the law.So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law that sets you free. (NLT) James 2:11-12

Don’t grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. For look—the Judge is standing at the door! (NLT) James 5:9

May God’s word penetrate your heart