When It All Fades To Black

by Josh Monda | Mar 27, 2022 | Church, pastor, Uncategorized

When It All Fades To Black

I can remember the words clearly like they were yesterday “when are you going to tell your wife” my counselor asked. What had I done? Did I have some sort of secret sin that no one knew about? Perhaps I had committed adultery like so many other pastors? Did I have some sort of moral failure? I had none of those. So what was the problem? To get to that, I have to back up a little bit.

My last few years of ministry had been what seemed like hell if that was possible. I had lost one of my closes friends in the church. I had spent hours pouring into this man, and he had done the same to me; we would have deep theological discussions, his family would hang out with my family, and we just had become close friends. My world would be turned upside down on November 3, 2018. On that morning, I not only lost one of my closes friends, I had done CPR on him and then had to go tell his wife and family. I never truly grieved that loss and never really dealt with it. I did like I always do. I pushed it down and hoped it would get better.

I am not going to go into all of the detail of that day, maybe another time, but it was a wound that was not dealt with. However, problems had started long before this time. I am not going to get bogged down into all of the details of what went on in my church; some people lived it with me, and I don’t know that anyone really knows everything that transpired because, frankly, I have kept them from it. Oh, sure, out of spite, I could release recordings, documents, and emails that were sent to me and things that were said to me, but what does that accomplish? Very little. Even though I have continued to be slandered afterward, I will not do the same. However, I have to give a little detail to get to the purpose.

So over the last few years, there were what seemed to be attacks on my character and a lot of gossip and untruthful things being said. Some of this, of course, began to get back to me and to be honest, I should have addressed it immediately, but I chose not to. I can still remember my conversations with people that were calling me to do something. I kept saying, “the Lord will defend me.” Finally, it had reached its breaking point, and I addressed issues the only way I knew how head-on in a meeting. Two of my friends had shown up early for that meeting; they had faithfully spent time praying over me, and I knew going in it might very well be the last time we would be in a meeting together. That was the case for one of them. Needless to say, the meeting did not go as I had prayed it would. A short time later, one of my friends would resign and leave the church. I had talked with him before I knew it was coming and understood his desire to care for his family. Please understand I am trying to be as general as possible here.

Eventually, another meeting was called, and it was apparent I would be put on the defensive in that meeting. I was asked to answer two full pages of accusations, some of them fairly ridiculous. I have read this document multiple times. I still have it. I wanted to make sure I did not misread it, but there is no misreading it. I am directly implicated for “most” of the problems. This document has remained private even though others have asked to see it. At the end of this meeting, another friend of mine resigned and left the church. Even though I knew I still had support and knew I had people who still loved me greatly, I immediately felt isolated and alone, whether it was true or not. In that final meeting, these words were said, “is there something that you need to tell us” I immediately knew this was a reference to my mental health and that I had started seeing a counselor. I readily admitted I was in a dark place, and now I felt that dark place would be used against me. This is the very thing that so many pastors fear and the very reason why they never share anything about what they are going through or the struggles they have. This meeting would lead to my resignation.

I resigned as pastor, and everything I knew and held dear seemed to be gone. Eight years of ministry went up in flames. I was hurting and reeling; the darkness only seemed to get darker as it closed in on me. I had nowhere to escape; my depression only got deeper, my anxiety became worse, and I struggled immensely. What was I going to do, I will eventually have no way to support my family, and all I know is ministry I started at 19. I sat there in my counselor’s office, and he said, “so when are you going to tell your wife” my response “I will tell her when it gets bad enough,” “so when is that? How do you know when bad is enough has been reached?” “I don’t know,” so “when are going to tell your wife” “I guess I will tell her today.” I was a man that appeared strong and what I am sure as came across as prideful, often overconfident, but I had been reduced to a pile of rubble. I began to justify in my own mind that it was ok to check out. After all, I had a life insurance policy my family would be taken care of. I am a believer, and glory awaits me. I can go to heaven and finally rest. I would not have to worry about dealing with this stuff anymore. That day I left my counselor’s office, and I came home and told my wife and asked her to hide my gun. Darkness had gained a temporary victory. It all had faded to black. The dark clouds that were once over my head had descended into my life; they gripped me so tight I feel I could not breathe.

So many pastors struggle with mental health, and they will never admit it. They will never tell anyone of their anxiety, of their struggles to trust in God, of their hurt. The pastor does not just have his own pain to deal with, but often the pain of those in his congregation, so multiply the pain times 50, the problems times 50, the struggles times 50. As they are busy dealing with everyone else, they fail to deal with themselves, and for many more than we probably realize, it becomes to late. They give in to addictions, to the lust of the world, and yes, some just give in altogether. They feel they have no one who understands, nowhere to turn, and it will only be used against them if they do open up. Even as I write this, I am sure I people will wonder why I would write such a thing. Don’t I know that no church will hire me because I just admitted that I am a weak and flawed person? My comeback is always the same. Then that is a church I would not want to go to anyway. I am weak, and until I embrace my weakness, I will never thrive in ministry. Christ is made strong in my weakness; it is in my weakness where the strength of Christ is fueled. I will not fight against it, but I will embrace it. I know that Christ will lead me to where he wants me I will arrive there right on time, and if that is where I am for now, then I embrace it and trust he will care for me.

Pastors should not feel isolated. They should not be afraid to admit their weakness, struggles, hurts, and heartaches. You see, it only takes one brief moment of weakness for a pastor to end their life. We have seen it in high-profile pastors I wonder how many we never hear about? It does not have to be this way. It is ok to love your pastor; it is ok to meet with him and try to understand and guess what it is ok not to agree and be ok with that understanding that he is the one God has called to lead. You can even still support him.

For whatever reason, at some point and time, we have got it stuck in our mind that individuals are called to defend the church against the pastor because the pastor, after all, is just going to ruin everything. This was the job that Paul gave to Timothy, an elder, not to some random churchgoer because they had been in the church for 50 years. Paul urged Timothy to protect the church against false teaching and to guard the faith he had entrusted to him.

Instead, pastors have been faced with a church bully, and this had led many pastors down some very dark paths as they witness the underside of those who stand against them. I am thankful for a counselor who has pushed me, has not allowed me to get away with just feeling sorry for myself, and has asked me tough questions. Though I am doing far better than I was, I know I am not entirely where I want to be. I know the Lord has a plan and a place for me to use my gifts. What breaks my heart is the number of pastors who are in a similar situation, and they are trying to just push through it all. I am afraid the darkness may overtake them. I have had many pastors thank me, and many reach out to me. But what about all of those who will never reach out to anyone?

If you are a pastor or anyone for that matter reading this and your struggling, you are not alone; others have our struggles, and though I doubt anyone will ever reach out, I just want you to know that if you need it reach out to me. I am not a counselor or therapist but I can listen.

How to have hope amid grief

by Josh Monda | Jan 21, 2022 | Christianity, Mental Health, Uncategorized

How to have hope amid grief

We can have hope amid grief. A grieving person can experience fear, anger,
guilt, and depression. A grieving person may also feel that they are being
judged by others who think that their loss was not as significant or
painful as someone else’s. It is essential for a person experiencing grief
to find people they can open up to about their experiences with loss. This
will help them explore their emotions and find meaning in their
experiences with grief.

How to have hope amid grief

1. The Meaning Of Grief
2. What are some of the effects of grief?
3. Denying Grief
4. How can we work our way through this grieving process?
5. Truths to Remember
6. The Skills Needed

The Meaning Of Grief

The word grief is a derivative of the Latin verb, which means “to burden.”
It is probably the most intense, complex, and prolonged human emotion that
we know of, and it cant be narrowed down to an exact science.

Grief is the only human experience that we must enter voluntarily. If you
think about all other human encounters, they happen to us. Grief is a
choice that we must make. The reason that we choose grief is it helps us
heal. Grief heals, restores, and redeems. Grief changes and transforms
things in our life that have gone badly. Grief is the only place we can go
to get comfort when things in our life go wrong. We have this fantastic
reminder by Solomon concerning grief in Ecclesiastes 7:2-4

It is better to go to the house of mourning

than to go to the house of feasting,

for this is the end of all mankind,

and the living will lay it to heart.

Sorrow is better than laughter,

for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,

but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.

Grief is where we must go if we are to ever get over our losses; it is
where we must go if we will ever let go. If we want to have room for new
and better things, we must let go and free our souls from the painful
past. If we do not release our losses, we will be stuck emotionally and
spiritually. It does not mean that we forget; it means that we let go.
Otherwise, we will be tied to someone dead and if they are a loved they
would not want that, someone who is unavailable, someone who will never be
able to give us the approval that we long and yearn for and are even
trying to earn, or we will be tied to a fantasy of what we think life
should look like. Whatever this tie is, it is an emotional tie to
something from that past, and it keeps us stuck in our present life.

We are a people who are designed to have finality. We finish things, so
when it comes to grieving losses and pain, we learn to be sad so that our
hearts can one day enjoy happiness. We cry and say the words to get the
loss and pain out.

In grieving, we make this conscious effort to release our attachment to
people, goals, wishes, religious/family systems, or whatever it might be
that we can no longer have.

We so often fail to recognize that we are a people who are made to do
things in community. Grief is no exception to that we need to grieve in
community, and yet so often, we find that we grieve alone. We need to
grieve in community to have the love, support, and comfort we desperately
need in our losses. When we do not have that support, we get stuck in
despair because we do not have a love of others to hold us up enough for
us to let go of our losses. We also need structured activities as part of
grieving things like support groups or a time, space, and place where we
can be heard, empathized with, understood, and supported to give us the
necessary support to engage in the process of grief.

The scriptures tell us, “And taking with him Peter and the two sons of
Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My
soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.”

(Matthew 26:37–38 ESV. Jesus says that His soul was very sorrowful even
unto death if that is not grief, I don’t know what is.

What are some of the effects of grief?

1. Common emotions that are involved in grief

– Bitterness

– Emptiness

– Apathy

– Love

– Anger

– Guilt

– Sadness

– Fear

– Self-pity

– Helplessness

– Hollow

2. Our bodies reflect the grief with physical symptoms like

– Tightness in the chest

– Heart palpitations

– Dry mouth

– Shortness of breath

– Hollowness in the pit of the stomach

– Disrupted sleeping and eating patterns

3. There are some symptoms of normal grief.

– Distorted thinking patterns; irrational or fearful thoughts

– Feelings of despair and hopelessness

– Out of control or numbed emotions

– Changes in sensory perceptions (sight, taste, smell, etc.)

– Increased irritability

– Increased talking or even reduced communication

– Memory difficulties

– Inability to concentrate

– Obsessive focus on a lost loved one

– Losing track of time

– Increased/decreased appetite

– Increase/decrease sexual desire

– Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep

– Dreams in which a deceased loved one visits the griever

– Nightmares that often include a theme of death

– Increase in occurrence of physical illnesses-headaches, stomach
aches, flu, etc.

– Shattered beliefs about God, life, the world, purpose, etc.

4. Grieving includes “mourning.”

– Mourning is derived from the Latin word that means “to be anxious.”

– Mourning is the process of remembering and recalling what was lost.

– It usually causes us to feel anxious or uncomfortable; this is why
we often want to avoid the process.

– Grief is often described in terms that show it is a process

– Stages – We do not pass through stages sequentially

– Phases – Phases often overlap that are rarely distinct

– Tasks – This is usually a more accurate depiction of the process
and implies that the mourner needs to “take action” and “do something.”

5. Grief has a purpose

– There is an expression of experiential feelings about a loss

– It is a protest at a loss as well as a desire to change what
happened and have it not be true

– We acknowledge the effects of the devastating impact of a loss

– The primary purpose of grief is to experience the reactions to face
the loss and begin adapting to it. The only authentic was out of fried is
through it.

– Anyone going through grief must be encouraged to do their work. It
can be postponed or delayed even, but when that happens, the result is
ultimately depression (I know this to be true)

– What often happens when grief is delayed is that instead of feeling
sadness, you feel apathy and a general numbness.

Denying Grief

Denying grief is where so many people land, and for some reason, this
seems common in the Christian world and even more common among pastors.
When we are not encouraged or allow ourselves to go through a grieving
process where we allow the “little deaths” of our losses, our world, and
our relationship are ultimately impacted. So we have this idea that we are
“raising above” our hurt, and instead, we are in denial that we have even
been hurt. So we are refusing to acknowledge and mourn our losses, but
this will eventually surface. When we carry unresolved into future
expereinces and relationships, there will be unrest, conflict, and ongoing
depression. There is also often delayed anger. This is because anger is
far easier to experience than sadness, so anger becomes our go-to. Sadness
keeps our hearts soft towards God and will help prevent eventual
hardheartedness. When we deny sadness, we lose touch with who God is and
His tenderness and His giving of grace. We move into areas where we become
insensitive and cannot feel grief and remorse even over our sin. We are
not a people created to hand the existence of both good and bad in the
same space; God allows sadness as a way for us to deal with our hurts and
our disappointments.

Whenever we deny our need to grieve, we are refusing to say goodbye to
people we love, places, missed opportunities, disappointments, youth,
vitality, health, relationships, or whatever had been “taken away” from
us. This refusal to grieve serves to condemn us and makes us rigid.
Genuine grief is the deep sadness and weeping that expresses the
acceptance or our inability to do anything about our losses and what id
found in every human being’s life. Grief is a reminder to us that we are
not in control of our lives like we think we are or believe we are. When
we are sad, it shows that someone or something matters to us, and we
choose to invest in that person or experience. Shattered commitment has
come at a great cost. There are some things we should understand about
grief.

A. It is intensely person; we cannot compare our process with anyone else.

B. Is difficult work not to be done in isolation.

C. It allows us to make necessary changes in order to live with our losses
in a healthier manner. Our goal is to move from “Why did this happen?” to
“How can I learn through this experience.

Why is a search for meaning and purpose in the loss

How is a search for a way to adjust to the losses

D. Grief will take longer than we expect. It will intensify on the
anniversary etc.

How can we work our way through this grieving process?

1. Make a list of your losses and their effect in your life.

2. Daily statements to say to yourself

3. I believe my grief has a purpose and an end

4. I am responsible for my own grieving process

5. I will not be afraid to ask for help

6. I will try not to rush my recovery process

7. I choose to face the loss and feel the pain, knowing it will end

8. I recognize that the waves of pain will be alternated with lulls
of rest

9. Consider inviting others into your grieving process by sharing
about your loss with them.

10. After you make your grief/loss inventory consider sharing it with
a safe friend or a family member or counselor. Sharing each loss with a
trusted person enables you to honor the relationship, experience, dream,
and have another human validate your experience. This makes it a shared
encounter, not one done in isolation.

11. Have a ceremony as a part of releasing that thing that you need
to get rid of. This will honor the loss and empower you to move forward.

12. Connect with the pain of the loss, which will pave the way to
connecting to the care available to you.

13. Talk about the past, your losses, crushed dreams, and poor
reactions to those hurts. Be willing to be embarrassed, vulnerable,
broken, and needy.

Truths to Remember

found these truths to remember, which I wanted to share.

• The past can’t really impact us, but our present feelings about the past
can.

– If we don’t expose the things of the past to the light of God’s
truth and love through the grieving process, they remain in the darkness
and are essentially alive today, creating fruits of darkness in us.
Disconnected from the transformative power of God’s love and light, they
take on a life of their own and impact present relationships.

– Confession of the past brings experiences to light and opens us up
to transformation. Eph. 5:11, 13 reminds us to “Have nothing to do with
the fruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them…everything
exposed by the light becomes visible.”

– We must know what happened to us, name the sin, be honest about
what we have done, what others have done to us, and name the guilty
parties for us to know who and how to fully forgive. Looking at our past
opens (often re-opens) our souls and memories so that we can accurately
see what we have lost, who was not enough, and how we are trying to make
up for those broken losses in our lives today.

– These truths don’t change the past, but they do redeem it.

– Instructing people to forgive and forget creates great disregard
for the brokenhearted, abused, neglected, and tormented. God highly values
his broken, hurting individuals and commands us to come alongside them to
offer them love, compassion, and healing from their families.

– If our heart is frozen in grief (or we refuse to lean into the
grieving process), we cannot experience the feelings and emotions God
designed us to feel. Many individuals experience “frozen grief” as
depression. Sadness and anger (major components of grief) need somewhere
to go. If we express them and let go of them, we have made room for fresh
experiences and increased joy.

The Skills Needed

Just “moving on” is not enough. Leaders especially need to pay attention
to their losses, to recover and learn from them. In my reading I found a
list of skills that have to occur before we can move on from grief.

1. Connect in a vulnerable way: As much as possible, bring your
losses to relationship. The more you relegate grief to your alone time,
the longer it will take. The more “people time” you allow, the less time
it will take. My therapist told me to make sure I was around people more
often.

2. Value what is no more: don’t dismiss or devalue what you lost it
is easy to say that person was toxic so good riddance. However if that is
our attitude we will never full work through it. Instead, and I know how
hard this is but put some value on the good parts. So that person was
toxic, but they were nice to puppies 🤣.

3. Be sad and say goodbye: Allow yourself to feel the sadness of
losing someone or something. Say goodbye and mean it.

4. Extend forgiveness. Be willing to cancel the debt. What I mean by
this is when someone has wronged you don’t become bitter. You do not have
to forgive them but you must guard your heart and be ready to forgive if
repentance happens. Be ready to cancel the debt.

5. Replace: Don’t make an idol of the lost person or thing. Find
those people who will help you replace whatever contribution it brought to
you.

6. Learn: Losses teach us something about the future. Write down what
you have learned that will help your life moving forward. Then you can use
that memory bank in the future.

7. Adapt: Loss is a reality. Don’t argue with reality, adapt to it
and learn to live well.

Christian Grieve Your Losses

by Josh Monda | Jan 13, 2022 | Christianity

Christian Grieve Your Losses

Christian Grieve Your Losses

1. If we do not grieve over our sin we repress our ability to see God’s grace.
2. Grief brings about God’s healing
3. We cover up our need for love with things
4. How God heals through grief
5. Grief helps us grow and mature

One of the best ways to deal with the loss of a loved one is to grieve your losses. It can cause mental health problems like depression, insomnia, and anxiety if you do not. Taking this time to be sad and reflect on your memories will allow you to heal properly. Often times it seems Christians want to skip right over the grief process. In my own life, I know one of the hardest things for me to do was to learn to grieve my losses, no matter how insignificant they may seem. To be perfectly honest, I am still working on it. In Lamentations, we read.

“The roads to Zion mourn,

for none come to the festival;

all her gates are desolate;

her priests groan;

her virgins have been afflicted,

and she herself suffers bitterly.” (Lamentations 1:4)

We can’t simply bypass the grief process and think everything will turn out ok. Listen to the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” In His famous Sermon on The Mount, Jesus taught us in context that those who mourn over their sin and repent are blessed. I am not saying all losses are because of some sin in our life, but I am saying that all losses do stem from. If sin never entered the earth, loss would never be known. So why should we grieve these losses?

If we do not grieve over our sin we repress our ability to see God’s grace.

Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains (John 9:41 ESV). Charles Spurgeon once said, “It is not our littleness that hinders Christ; but our bigness. It is not our weakness that hinders Christ; it is our strength. It is not our darkness that hinders Christ; it is our supposed light that holds back his hand.” The only way to see is to admit you are blind; if you want to experience God’s grace, we must grieve over our sin.

God’s Word in Hosea reads Sow for yourselves righteousness;

reap steadfast love;

break up your fallow ground,

for it is the time to seek the LORD,

that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.

(Hosea 10:12 ESV) As followers of Christ, we must break up the unplowed ground of our hearts and feel the grief in all of the ways we have not sought God. If we truly want to see spiritual change in our life, we must go through grief. We must grieve our losses.

Secondly, notice that.

Grief brings about God’s healing

In the beginning, God created man to have unbroken fellowship with Him and with one another. However, man sinned and broke that fellowship. We were created to have this perfect connection with God, but sin made us depart from it. What is the one thing that we desire? The Bible answers that for us. “What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar. (Proverbs 19:22 ESV)

Deep down in our hearts, what everyone wants is to know that love is always there. The problem we are faced with is that from the time we were small children, the only love we experience is a love that is anything but steadfast. Even in the best families do not give their children everything they need when it comes to love because no one can love perfectly.

There is only one unfailing love, and that is the love from God. So whenever we look to another human being for love, we never get ut; instead, we experience the one thing that we do not want to experience, the one thing that this blog post is about loss. When we experience this over and over again, we feel stuck in this cycle of love and loss, so how do we respond? We respond by trying to stop the pain by ignoring it or pushing it down, never dealing with it and covering it up. This is why the proven tells us it is better to be poor than a liar.

The writer is saying, “hey, it is better to be honest, and just admit that they really want a steadfast love instead of substituting with something that will never satisfy. This leads me to this

We cover up our need for love with things

We do this repeatedly in our lives, and the funny thing is we may not even acknowledge it. The kid that gets bullied in school becomes someone famous to gain a sense of value and power. That kid that felt like they could never satisfy their father seeks significance in their job to show they really are worth something. You see, the problem with the solution being found in things means the underlying need is never met; the one thing that we were all built for is never realized, and that is steadfast love. This is why we must grieve our losses, or we will never heal.

How God heals through grief

Think of the Canaanite woman in Matthew 5; she came to Jesus and proclaimed, “Lord Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering.” At first, Jesus ignored her, then the passage speaks on race and ends with comparing this woman the family dog. The interaction is fascinating, especially considering this woman is coming to Jesus for help. It is almost as if Jesus adds to her problems with how He responds and interacts with the woman. One could say that Jesus was using her as an example because he already knew she would be an example of faith.

Regardless of whether you read the passage, it all seems harsh unless there is something else going on that we sometimes overlook.

Think about this woman and her suffering think about the grief that she must have faced day after day as she watched her daughter suffer. Think about how society probably judged her. She surely thought the answer to end life’s sufferings was for her daughter to be healed. However, just like us, she lacked an eternal perspective.

We are just like this woman; we look at our temporary problems and think they are the biggest obstacles to our happiness and freedom. Yet from the perspective of Jesus, they are nothing from the protective of Jesus; this woman had a far bigger problem, and that was she had an eternal problem. Sure He could heal her daughter, but if she failed to understand God’s ultimate plan revealed in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, she would only have a temporary fix.

What does Jesus do? He teaches her that she had to rid herself of earthly pride and ask him for help. In her humbling herself amid her grief over her daughter, she walked away with healing and an eternal solution. There are times that God uses our attachments to an earthly problem to open us for healing that is not contingent on the problems of this life.

Grief helps us grow and mature

James tells us Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2–4 ESV)

He is not saying that we ignore grief when we go through trials. He is talking about the ultimate goal of persevering through our trials with faith. I have had to learn to grieve my losses in my own life, and I am still learning to do so, but as I persevere through those losses, it adds maturity in my faith.

I have taken the time to grieve and still have to take time to grieve. I have to engage in the grief process and realize the goal is that my joy will come from God. For most of my life, I have tried to escape grief, push it down, and hold on to other things, but when I engage and realize my joy will come from God, I gain maturity, and when I don’t, my growth is stunted.

So what should we do when we go through a difficult time? Well, first, we can pray that God would fix the situation so that our grief can stop. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. However, we must be ready for our prayer not to be answered our way. We may have to remain in grief for a period. So often, when we feel God is not answering, we take matters into our own hands and bring ourselves comfort by an earthly means. This is why when we are grieving, we will eat more, or spend more, or any number of things because we are trying to bring ourselves comfort.

When we try to bring ourselves comfort, we are not going to learn anything about the will of God. When we feel disappointed by our prayers not being answered, and then we actually grieve the trial, we grow. Why? Because it is not our will being done but God’s will for us in the middle of that situation.

Right now, I am trying to find a job; it is hard when I apply for a job and don’t get it or send my resume to a church and don’t hear back, but where is my security? Is it in things or in God? My security is not in a job, sure I need one to earn money, but that is not where my security is at. It is not in my health because it will fail. Our life is full of disappointments, one right after another, but those disappointments can turn into the way we can bring comfort to others going through the same trial. Every single loss we go through and grieve through with faith creates an opportunity for us to become anchored in the providence of an almighty God who has the whole world in His hands.

To be honest, when our life is going well, it is great, and no doubt God has designed us in a way that we are to enjoy our lives. However, we must understand as followers of Christ that it is not part of God’s plan that we seek heaven on earth. We must go through the process of grief to prepare us for the next life. When we read our Bible, we final all kinds of accounts, teachings, and examples of how grief refines our faith.

The greatest example we have of this is found in Christ, in whose example we are all called to follow. In the book of Hebrews, we read, “Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him,”

Christian, it is ok to grieve your losses, and it is even ok to grieve in front of others that; grief does not have to rob your faith of its joy; there is meaning in the trials you face. I actually started writing this last week sometime and finished tonight when my heart is heavy with grief for someone I love and as he lay in that bed and I held his hand and told him I love him even amid the heartache, there can be joy because death is not the victor Christ is.

Stop saying “if you need something let me know”

by Josh Monda | Dec 29, 2021 | Church

Stop saying “if you need something let me know.”

Stop saying “if you need something let me know.”

0.1. The mind of Christ
0.2. The early Christians
0.3. Radical transformation
0.4. A rebuke by Peter

When I was still shepherding, I used to say to my flock, “don’t say to others “if you need something, let me know,” because they won’t.” The odds are great that another Christian, even if they are your friend, is not really going to come to you and let you know they are struggling or that they have a need. This is like saying to someone struggling with addiction or suicidal thoughts, “call me” they are rarely going to call. The truth is that needs constantly surround us, and unlike Jesus and the early church, we rarely open our eyes to see them, or perhaps we don’t want to see them. I am not speaking about the needs of the general populous either. I am speaking about the needs of other Christians right in front of us. It is as if we have the same mentality as Job’s friends. We think sure there is a reason they are struggling. If a person is struggling mentally its because they have made bad decisions to put them in that place; if a person is struggling financially, it is because they do not budget or they are leaving beyond their means, if a person is struggling with relationships, it is because they do not have a proper attitude. Do you see how we blame the problem on the struggling person? We may not shame them with our words, but we sure do it mentally to justify our lack of Christlikeness. In some cases, we may even want them to struggle because, for whatever reason, we have made them our enemy, and we say to ourselves, “they deserve it,” and we somehow feel justified in our mind.

The mind of Christ

My challenge is that none of this is the mind of Christ. Nowhere do we find this to be the attitude of Christ. Of course, someone will say, “I can’t read people’s minds like Christ seemed to do” you are right, but what about the early church? Is that what they did? Did they read minds? Or, instead, did they sell all they had and put it together to help those in need who were among them? This is found in Acts 2 and 4. They were not socialists, but they were radically generous. So radical that they went to extraordinary lengths to make sure those who were among them were taken care of. Not only that but imagine the intimacy of the early church that they were so connected that they had “all things in common” to know one another’s needs. They were so radically different from the culture around them. Are we? It would seem we look for solutions in politics and more power. However, they do not offer solutions.

The early Christians

No one demanded the early Christians to do this. There is no command for them to do this. The apostles are not secretly telling the early church to do this. No, they freely and voluntarily gave up what they had to help others among their community of faith. They did this together as a body because they had “all things in common.” A life that is transformed by the grace of God is a life that is lived out by showing grace. I have met many “Christians” who seem to have no grace. It makes me wonder if their life has really been transformed. The gospel changes hearts and minds. Never forget that.

Radical transformation

When someone receives Christ as their savior, something radical happens. The gospel’s impact reaches our attitude towards the things we cling to the most. Our possessions. This does not eliminate private ownership and make us socialist, nor does it mean that the church corporately owns everything, so we give it all to the church. No, it is far more reaching and far more profound than that; what is the gospel does is take our heart which was owned by something, usually our possessions, and it frees it to be owned by Christ and causes us to live a life as if we own nothing. We no longer regard what we have as ours because our heart has been transformed. People with transformed hearts do not think of their possessions as theirs; instead, they willingly and freely give up their possessions to those in need. That is heart transformation

“Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common” (Acts 4:32 ESV). Reread it and put the emphasis on “no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own” That is is a transformed heart.

A rebuke by Peter

This is why Peter rebuked Ananias, and the Lord struck him dead when he declared publicly that he sold his home and gave it all to the poor. The problem wasn’t that Ananias held money back. The problem was in his heart because he “secretly” held money back. This is what Peter said to him “While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not at your disposal? Why is it that you have contrived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to man but to God” (Acts 5:4 ESV).

Did you see how Peter exposed his heart? Ananias had a deceitful, selfish heart, and that was the problem, and it cost him his life. This is what the gospel changes. Being a socialist does not fix the problem, nor does being a “democratic socialist,” nor does hoarding our possessions to pass along to our adult children who do not need them. Politics is not the solution; power is not the solution; new laws are not the solution. Hearts changed by the gospel is the only solution because a heart changed by the gospel knows what is mine is not mine at all, and that is the heat that lives a radically generous life that is the only way anyone will ever think of others before they think of themselves, causing them to give freely of what they have to help others. So don’t say, “if you need anything, let me know” just open your eyes and live the life God has called us to live a life that is radically generous that sees a need and meets the need because you have the means to do so even and do it in such an extravagant and radical fashion the God is glorified, and the world is mystified at the audacity of these radical Christians. This is what we are called to individually and corporately. Oh, that we would loosen our grip on our possessions, or should I say that they would loosen their grip on us? What a message for Christmas.

9 Traits of a Self-Righteous Man

by Josh Monda | Dec 29, 2021 | Church

9 Traits of a self-righteous man

I was doing some reading and got to thinking just how destructive self-righteous personalities are not just in everyday life but especially in the church. So I wanted to write a blog article about this to help us recognize others who are self-righteous and maybe even to recognize if we have some self-righteous ways in us. The self-righteous man is a creature who believes he is the only one who gets it right. He stands in front of an audience, preaching to them about how they should live their lives while blatantly ignoring his own faults. The self-righteous man can be found in many places worldwide, whether it’s in the classroom, the office, or at home.

What are the characteristics of a self-righteous man?

9 Traits of a self righteous man

1. What are the characteristics of a self-righteous man?

1.1. He feels superior to everyone else.
1.2. He hates to admit he’s wrong.
1.3. Thinks people should bow down to him.
1.4. He insists on having his way.
1.5. He loves to talk and talk and talk and never listens.
1.6. He hates it when other people disagree with him.
1.7. He is a narcissist
1.8. He lacks empathy
1.9. He has a sense of entitlement.

He feels superior to everyone else.

A self-righteous man is someone who thinks that they are the best person in the room. They think they are better than everyone else and will always find ways to make themselves feel superior. For instance, they will make fun of others for their mistakes and flaws while not admitting the slightest mistake or flaw in themselves. Self-righteous people will often use religious or political affiliations to make themselves feel like they are more special than everyone else.

He hates to admit he’s wrong.

The self-righteous man. Though it seems like everyone struggles with this, these men are notorious for their lack of willingness to accept their mistakes. This is a usually annoying trait, at best, and destructive, at worst. Some men feel so entitled to their opinions that they cannot be open-minded enough to change their minds when presented with the facts otherwise, especially if it means accepting they were wrong.

Thinks people should bow down to him.

Let me illustrate. Ivan is a self-righteous man with a superiority complex. He thinks that he deserves to be treated better than most people because of his intelligence, power, or status in life. He will often try to give the appearance that he is humble, but in his mind, he is better than everyone else; modesty is not his intention. His false humility is just another ploy to prove that he is better. He genuinely believes he is better than others and needs them to acknowledge it for him. This person will try to set themselves up as the leader in every church committee they serve on.

He insists on having his way.

A self-righteous man has many bad qualities, but the one I want to focus on her is his insistence on having his way. He likes to think that he knows what’s best for everyone and that he should be able to dictate how they live their lives. For example, he may get into a massive fight with a co-worker because he insisted that the person should take the “scenic route” instead of the “fast route.” If this person is in the church or leading a church committee if anything is ever recommended contrary to “his way,” he will find a way to shoot it down, and if they can’t, they will use that wonderful church excuse, “we always have done it this way”?

He loves to talk and talk and talk and never listens.

Everywhere he goes, the self-righteous man brings his opinions and his way of life with him. He loves to talk and talk and talk and never listens. Whatever he’s talking about, he has an answer for everything. The worst part is that he thinks what he says is right no matter what anyone else says. This person will spend all kinds of time talking about their achievements or what they have accomplished or even what their family has accomplished so that everyone will notice how great they are. They can’t wait to turn the conversation into something they can talk about, and if they do not know what is being discussed, they will often pretend like they do.

He hates it when other people disagree with him.

The self-righteous man hates it when other people disagree with him. He is often confrontational and will argue like a dog with a bone. When he becomes angry, his thoughts narrow to only thoughts of getting revenge on the person who has wronged him. He can’t stand not getting what he wants and will stop at nothing to get it. It will not matter if this person is in the church or not; they can’t have people disagreeing with them and not seeing things the way they do. They will have their revenge one way or another because they must prove their superiority.

He is a narcissist

Narcissistic personalities are typically deemed as self-righteous. They pretend that everything they do is for the benefit of others, and they can’t understand why others don’t get it. They will often be condescending to others because they believe themselves to be superior. The worst part of being around a narcissist is their ability never to apologize or admit fault, even if the fault was theirs. In the church world, this will manifest itself in constant put-downs and digs on other people or their character; they will typically find ways to bully others to feed their narcissism.

He lacks empathy

The self-righteous man lacks empathy for fellow humans and does not see their own shortcomings. The self-righteous man will go on to claim superiority over others while still claiming some level of moral virtue. They are laser-focused on how they are better than others. The self-righteous are all similar in that they lean towards being angry individuals. In the church world, they are great at showing false empathy, often pretending like they care about the plight of others but deep down, their caring is just another way to get others to see how great of a person they are.

He has a sense of entitlement.

This man’s inflated sense of self-worth and entitlement often leads to a destructive mindset. He is someone who, with no regard for the feelings or opinions of others, makes all his own decisions with what he wants in mind. He sees himself as an elite individual that deserves privileges that others don’t and doesn’t take kindly to rejection. Anything that comes to him is due to him because of his superiority; he deserves all of the accolades and all of the attention. In the church world, they will often pretend like they do not want this attention or do not want to be recognized when they actually do. Sometimes they will not even pretend they do not want the recognition they will blatantly let you know that they deserve it. They will find ways to make it known that they are really in control.

In conclusion

In conclusion, it is very important not to act like a self-righteous man. This article offers nine traits of a self-righteous man that should be avoided. There are many flaws that can be found in others when we feel like we have it all together. It is easy to find flaws. Do you know what is hard, especially if you are self-righteous? To look at someone else and encourage them, build them up, speak good about them, and even compliment them. Rarely will a self-righteous person offer a true compliment. Self-righteous people are spiritual abusers; you will never feel good enough, you will never meet their standard, and if you ever actually do, they will tear you down quickly because no one can be better than them. Yet, for some reason, these are the people that often rise to prominence in our churches do you know someone who is self-righteous? What about you? Do any of these things ring a bell in your life? If so, the solution is repentance.

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