The Art of Peacemaking: A Biblical Perspective

by Josh Monda | Nov 16, 2024 | Blogs, Church, Conflict, random thoughts, Theology

Exodus 20:21

The people remained

     at a distance,

while Moses approached

the thick darkness

where God was.

Shadow of Christ: Moses as God’s Mediator

Let’s dive into one of the most fascinating figures in Scripture. Moses gives us an incredible picture of what it means to stand between God and His people. Romans 16 shows us countless heroes of the faith. However, I’d like to focus on Moses. His life remarkably foreshadows Christ’s work as our ultimate Mediator.

Standing in the Gap

That moment in Exodus 20:21? “The people remained at a distance.” Meanwhile, Moses approached the thick darkness where God was. That’s not just a dramatic scene—it’s a profound picture of mediation. Consider this: everyone else hung back in fear. But Moses walked straight into that overwhelming darkness to meet with God. That’s real courage!

This brings to mind Hebrews 4:16. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace. We may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Moses’s bold approach to God paved the way for what Christ would ultimately accomplish.

When we consider what mediation really means in Scripture, it’s more than just playing referee. It’s about bridging an impossible gap—the gap between a holy God and sinful people. Moses understood this at a deep level. He didn’t just relay messages back and forth; he invested himself fully in both relationships—with God and with the people.

God’s Perfect Preparation

I love how God prepared Moses for this role—it’s a masterclass in divine providence! Born a Hebrew but raised in Pharaoh’s court—talk about being uniquely positioned! Even when Moses’s first attempts at reconciliation flopped (remember that incident with the Egyptian? ), God was working out His perfect plan.

As Stephen points out in Acts 7:25, “He supposed that his brothers would understand that God was giving them salvation by his hand, but they did not understand.” Sounds familiar. How often do we jump ahead of God’s timing, thinking we know best?

Think about the decades Moses spent in Midian. Those weren’t wasted years; they were preparation years. God was teaching him patience, humility, and leadership through shepherding actual sheep before he’d shepherd God’s people. It reminds me of David’s preparation in the fields before becoming king.

Hebrews 3:5-6 puts it perfectly: “Now Moses was faithful in all God’s house as a servant, to testify to the things that were to be spoken later, but Christ is faithful over God’s house as a son.” Everything in Moses’s life was pointing toward something—or rather, someone—greater.

The Heart of a Defender

Here’s what really grabs me about Moses—his heart for justice. Perhaps this is why in my own life I have a heart for justice. At times, it has even gotten me in trouble. When he saw that Egyptian beating a Hebrew slave, he didn’t just shake his head and walk away. And later, when he spotted those shepherds hassling Jethro’s daughters at the well? He stepped right in. That’s what real mediation looks like—standing up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

Numbers 12:3 tells us something surprising: “Now the man Moses was very meek, more than all people who were on the face of the earth.” Don’t mistake this for weakness; we’re talking about strength under God’s control. It reminds me of Proverbs 31:8-9: “Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

This combination of strength and meekness made Moses the perfect candidate for mediation. He was strong enough to stand before Pharaoh and demand justice. Yet, he was humble enough to fall on his face before God. That’s the kind of leader God uses—someone who knows both how to fight and how to submit.

Called to Be Peacemakers

You might be wondering—what does all this mean for us today? Jesus puts it plainly in Matthew 5:9: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” We’re called to follow in Moses’s footsteps (and ultimately Christ’s) as people who bring reconciliation.

In our divided world, this calling has never been more crucial. Whether it’s in our families, churches, or communities, we’re called to be people who bridge gaps and heal divisions. But here’s the key: we don’t do this by compromising truth. Real peace never comes at the expense of righteousness.

James 3:17 gives us a beautiful picture of this kind of peacemaking: “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” That’s our model for biblical mediation.

Christ: Our Perfect Mediator

Here’s where it all comes together beautifully. Everything Moses did pointed to Christ. Hebrews 8:6 puts it perfectly: “But as it is, Christ has obtained a ministry that is as much more excellent than the old as the covenant he mediates is better, since it is enacted on better promises.”

Moses entered the darkness to meet with God. Christ entered the darkness of death itself to bring us to God. That’s why 1 Timothy 2:5 declares, “For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.”

Consider how Christ’s mediation surpasses Moses’s in every way. Moses could only represent the people before God; Christ actually becomes our representative. Moses brought the law that condemned; Christ brings the grace that saves. Moses’s mediation was temporary; Christ’s is eternal.

Living It Out Today

So what do we do with all this? First, we’ve got to remember that real peace only comes through the gospel. In your family, at church, in your community—wherever God’s placed you—you’re called to be a reconciler.

Think about Ephesians 4:2–3: “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” That’s our playbook for being peacemakers!

This plays out in practical ways. In our families, it means being quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). In our churches, it means dealing with conflict biblically and directly (Matthew 18:15–17). In our communities, it means being ambassadors for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20).

The Ministry of Reconciliation

As reformed believers, we understand that God’s sovereignty extends to every area of life, including conflict and reconciliation. When we step into difficult situations as mediators, we’re not acting alone. We’re participating in God’s reconciling work in the world.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19 puts it beautifully: “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.”

The Greater Mediation

Let me wrap this up with a thought that never fails to blow my mind: While Moses’ mediation was temporary, Christ’s is eternal. Hebrews 9:15 puts it beautifully: “Therefore he is the mediator of a new covenant, so that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance.”

Every time we step into conflicts as peacemakers, we reflect Christ’s greater work of reconciliation. This happens whether in our homes, churches, or communities. As Colossians 1:20 reminds us, He “made peace by the blood of his cross.”

Think about how this changes our approach to conflict and reconciliation. We’re not just trying to solve problems or make peace for peace’s sake. We’re participating in something much bigger—God’s cosmic work of reconciliation through Christ. I know I have a lot to do in my own life.

Our Daily Call to Mediation

Each day brings new opportunities to live out this calling. Maybe it’s mediating between arguing siblings, helping church members work through disagreements, or building bridges in your community. Whatever the situation, remember that you’re following in the footsteps of Moses and, ultimately, pointing to Christ.

Hebrews 12:14 challenges us: “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” Notice how peace and holiness go together. True biblical mediation never sacrifices one for the other.

Remember, friends, our call to mediation isn’t about compromising truth but about pointing people to the Ultimate Mediator, Jesus Christ. Let’s embrace this high calling with confidence. We should embrace it with humility and joy. Our efforts to make peace are grounded in the perfect peace Christ has already made.

Soli Deo Gloria

The Silent Threat: Divisive People in the Church

by Josh Monda | Nov 9, 2024 | Christianity, Church, random thoughts, Theology

Unity and Division in the Early Church

In Romans 16, the Apostle Paul shares greetings with various church members in Rome. This demonstrates the vibrant life and unity among early Christians. He encourages them to greet each other “with a holy kiss,” a symbol of deep fellowship. Paul highlights this unity by stating, “all the churches of Christ send greetings” (Romans 16:16). Although he had not visited Rome, Paul knew many believers there. This shows the strong network of relationships in the early church. This is a testament to the unifying power of the gospel.

However, Paul’s commendation of unity shifts into a stern warning against those who threaten it. He urges the Roman Christians to “watch out for those who cause divisions. Avoid those who put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them” (Romans 16:17). This is not a call to silence every dissenting voice. Instead, the message is to remain alert. Be cautious against those who oppose the core tenets of the faith. They sow discord. Paul identifies these divisive individuals as serving their own appetites. They use smooth talk to deceive the naive (Romans 16:18). For the protection of the church, such individuals must be confronted. If necessary, they should be disciplined according to Scripture (cf. Matthew 18:15-17).

Paul’s message is both a commendation and a caution. He acknowledges the obedience of the Roman Christians. He urges them to be “wise about what is good.” They should also be “innocent about what is evil” (Romans 16:19). This call to wisdom and innocence serves as a reminder for church leaders. They must protect the flock from disruptive influences. As we reflect on Paul’s exhortation, we are challenged to cultivate a church environment marked by peace and unity. We must adhere to the truth of the gospel. We must be ready to contend for the faith once delivered to the saints (Jude 1:3).

Greeting One Another in Christ

In Romans 16:16, Paul tells believers to greet one another with a “holy kiss.” This gesture, though culturally specific, signifies the deep fellowship and unity that should define the church. This unity is not just a social nicety. It is rooted in a shared commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Paul emphasizes this by saying, “All the churches of Christ greet you.” This reminds the Roman believers of their connection to the wider body of Christ, unified in doctrine and mission.

Paul’s call to greet one another warmly reminds us of the foundation of true Christian fellowship. It is built on shared beliefs and values. It goes beyond mere politeness. It reflects our mutual commitment to Christ and to each other as members of His body. Through this, Paul’s pastoral heart is evident. He encourages believers to express unity in genuine and heartfelt ways. This unity shows the transformative power of the gospel in their communal life.

Protecting the Church From False Doctrine

Following this vision of unity, Paul addresses a grave concern. There are individuals who “cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine you have been taught” (Romans 16:17, ESV). He urges believers to “watch out” for such individuals and to “keep away” from them. The Greek construction here demands our attention—we are to “watch out” (σκοπεῖν) with utmost vigilance. This is not a suggestion but a divine mandate. This echoes Paul’s warning to the Ephesian elders. He said, “I know that after my departure, fierce wolves will come in among you. They will not spare the flock” (Acts 20:29).

It is crucial to understand Paul’s directive. It is not a call to silence every dissenting voice. It is also not meant to suppress all disagreements over minor doctrinal matters. Instead, it is a call to be vigilant. We must guard against those who fundamentally oppose the core tenets of the faith. These individuals sow discord within the body of Christ. Paul’s distinction is important; he doesn’t categorize every disagreement as divisive. He highlights that divisive individuals undermine the very foundations of Christian truth. The “obstacles” they create aren’t merely preferences or secondary matters but are fundamentally opposed to apostolic doctrine.

In a church setting, opinions on practices or preferences may differ. However, Paul’s imperative is clear. The primary goal is to safeguard the church’s doctrinal integrity. Paul emphasizes this principle in another part. He says, “If anyone preaches a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed” (Galatians 1:9, ESV). Unity is a precious and valuable asset that deserves protection. Achieving it necessitates adherence to sound teaching. Without a shared foundation of truth, unity becomes fragile and ultimately loses its significance.

So here is the question. How do we …

Identify Divisive Individuals

We can be thankful that Paul actually tells us how to identify these people. We can first identify them by their methods. They use two primary weapons to cause division.

The first is smooth talk (χρηστολογία).

The second is flattery (εὐλογία).

These individuals often present themselves as champions of unity. Yet, they simultaneously undermine the foundations of faith. Solomon wisely observed this: “Some people consider themselves clean. However, they are not washed of their filth” (Proverbs 30:12).

Secondly, these divisive people can be identified by their motivations. Paul exposes their true nature by identifying them as those who serve “their own appetites” rather than Christ. This echoes Peter’s warning about false teachers who “follow their own sinful desires” (2 Peter 2:10). Such individuals are driven by selfish ambition. They prioritize personal advancement over the glory of God. Their motivation is not to serve Christ or build up the church. Instead, they pursue their own interests, often seeking influence, recognition, or power. To protect the weaker brethren and maintain the church’s spiritual health, leadership must confront these individuals. If necessary, they should be disciplined according to Scripture’s guidelines (cf. Matthew 18:15-17). This ensures the church’s integrity and unity, preventing those who seek discord for personal gain.

A Call to Wisdom and Innocence

Paul’s message to the Roman Christians is both a commendation and a caution. He acknowledges their obedience, which is well-known, and expresses his joy over them. Yet, he emphasizes vigilance. He urges them to be “wise about what is good.” He also encourages them to be “innocent about what is evil” (Romans 16:19, ESV). This exhortation highlights the importance of discernment in distinguishing truth from error. It encourages believers to remain separate from practices that lead to moral and spiritual compromise.

Paul tempers his warning with an affirmation: “For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil” (Romans 16:19, ESV). He is aware of the threats ahead. He emphasizes that the responsibility to guard the church against divisive influences lies heavily on church leaders. Elders and pastors must discern and, when necessary, discipline those who threaten the unity and doctrinal purity of the congregation. This is an act of pastoral care, not authoritarianism. Paul writes in Acts 20:28-30, urging leaders to “pay careful attention…to care for the church of God.” Church leaders, likened to shepherds, must protect their flock from wolves, ensuring the church’s integrity and unity.

Church leaders act as shepherds of God’s flock. They have a solemn responsibility to protect the community. This protection is from those who seek to disrupt it. Paul’s exhortation to “keep away from them” (ἐκκλίνατε) demands decisive action. This may include clear theological instruction, loving confrontation, and, when necessary, church discipline. This responsibility is underscored by the need to be “wise about what is good and innocent about what is evil” (Romans 16:19). It emphasizes discernment in judgments. Leaders must strike a balance. They must act decisively against clear doctrinal threats while embodying humility and adherence to scriptural principles. This involves patience and awareness of the subtleties of false teaching, which can often appear as “truth adjacent.”

Paul’s pastoral instruction serves as a timeless reminder for congregations to remain vigilant. Church leaders, as shepherds, have the responsibility to protect the sheep from “wolves” (Matthew 7:15, ESV). Jesus warned about “false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing.” Similarly, Paul reminds the church to stay firm in sound doctrine. This guards against influences that could lead believers astray. By doing so, they protect the flock and preserve the church’s purity and unity. This ensures the church remains committed to the truth of the gospel.

In today’s ecclesiastical climate, doctrine is often sacrificed for false unity. Paul’s exhortation is urgent. The rise of progressive Christianity, the prosperity gospel, and theological liberalism requires vigilance and courage. Paul emphasizes that church leaders must guard against divisive influences. Elders and pastors must discern and discipline when necessary. This is an act of pastoral care, not authoritarianism. Leaders are like shepherds who must protect their flock from wolves. Paul underscores this duty in Acts 20:28-30, urging leaders to “pay careful attention…to care for the church of God.” Church leaders must ensure the community stays true to the gospel. This preserves both its unity and doctrinal integrity.

Reflection and Application

If Paul were to write to our churches today, what might he say? Would he commend our outreach efforts and our commitment to truth? Or would he need to address those who stray from sound doctrine? As we consider these questions, let’s focus on building a church environment marked by peace and unity. This must be firmly rooted in the gospel truth. We must stay vigilant, ready to defend the faith once entrusted to the saints (Jude 1:3). Our fellowship should remain vibrant and faithful.

We must remember that the apostle who valued Christian fellowship also stressed the importance of doctrinal integrity. These goals are not in conflict. They are unified expressions of true biblical faithfulness. We work to preserve the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3). We must also be diligent in defending the faith once for all entrusted to the saints (Jude 3).

May the Lord grant us wisdom as we navigate these waters. We must always remember that true biblical unity can only exist where truth is cherished and protected.

Soli Deo Gloria

Marks of a Victim Mentality

by Josh Monda | Dec 17, 2023 | Christianity, random thoughts, Uncategorized

Marks of a Victim Mentality

I am writing this blog post because, after some recent conversations, I concluded that it was needed. Perhaps it will help someone.

This post relies heavily on Biblical Counseling Keys on Victimization by June Hunt. I have put much of what is said into my own words but I have used several charts etc from that book.

If you have ever read the book of Ruth, you will know that Naomi is facing difficult circumstances, and she only places the blame on God.

Naomi, who is bereaved and barren following the deaths of her two adult sons, is expecting resentment, apprehension, and uncertainty as she considers returning to Israel from Moab. Although she begs her two daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah, to seek refuge with their relatives, they remain steadfast in their determination to return to Israel in her company. … “No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me!” (Ruth 1:13).

The two women are additionally compelled to depart by Naomi. Orpah ultimately makes the decision to return to her own family, whereas Ruth steadfastly remains. When Naomi sees how determined Ruth is, she gives up on her argument…

“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.”

(Ruth 1:16)

All individuals who have experienced victimization have been profoundly affected by trauma. Many individuals frequently arrive at erroneous assumptions regarding their own self and the world around them. These erroneous ideas cause injured hearts to adopt flawed responses and habits that conceal their profound pain and construct barriers that hinder closeness with God.

However, the Lord compassionately utilizes setbacks and problematic relationships to expose underlying emotional issues. When God holds each of us responsible, His intention is to dismantle these barriers and restore wounded hearts in order to liberate those who are imprisoned.

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.”

(Luke 4:18)

Here is the question we must ask:

What Role Does Cultivating a Victim Mentality Play in Establishing Spiritual Barriers?

Upon the arrival of Naomi and her daughter-in-law, the town of Bethlehem is filled with excitement and commotion.

“… the women exclaimed, ‘Can this be Naomi?’ ”

(Ruth 1:19)

Naomi finds it unbearable to think about the meaning of her name, which denotes sweetness or pleasantness. Mara, who is known to be bitter, appears much more suitable for her situation…

“ ‘Don’t call me Naomi,’ she told them. ‘Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.’ ”

(Ruth 1:20–21)

People who adopt a victim mindset frequently think of themselves as spiritual…

I recently came across this chart, which I find to be helpful in understanding the characteristics of a victim mentality.

Prisoners of the Past

Faulty Reactions	Distorted Conclusions	Biblical Truth
• Blaming God	“This is God’s fault.” “God is not fair!”	“He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he” (Deuteronomy 32:4)
• Harboring anger toward God	“How could God let this happen to me?” “God doesn’t care about me.”	“The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does” (Psalm 145:17).
• Refusing to trust God	“I can’t depend on God.” “I don’t believe in God.”	“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)
• Fearing God	“I’m afraid of God.” “I want to hide from God.”	“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1)
• Doubting God’s Love	“God certainly doesn’t love me.” “I don’t deserve God’s love.”	“Great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever” (Psalm 117:2).

If these spiritual barriers are not addressed, they will isolate individuals from the truths found in the Bible, leading to the rapid development of a victim mentality.

( June Hunt, Biblical Counseling Keys on Victimization: Victory Over the Victim Mentality (Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart, 2003), 21–22.)

However, more than just spiritual barriers are built we also see emotional barriers being built.

What is the connection between building emotional barriers and developing a victim mentality?

Naomi and Ruth, both widows, are currently without any companionship and are in a state of extreme poverty. They lack any means of sustaining themselves and must depend on God’s provision.

Instead of succumbing to despair and self-indulgence, Ruth conceives a plan which Naomi endorses. She will adhere to the tradition of the impoverished and trail the harvesters in the fields of her fellow Hebrews, collecting the remnants they leave behind. Ruth’s proposal instills hope in Naomi, as it offers the possibility of Ruth gathering sufficient grain to sustain their nourishment and prevent starvation. The final result will be determined by divine intervention.

“Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, ‘Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor.’ Naomi said to her, ‘Go ahead, my daughter.’ ”

(Ruth 2:2)

Those who adopt a victim mentality frequently perceive themselves as emotionally fragile. Again, I found a chart that illustrates the different types of victim mentalities people may have from the past

Prisoners of the Past

Faulty Reactions	Distorted Conclusions	Biblical Truth
• Bitterness	“I hate living in this family.” “I wish I were someone else.”	“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15).
• False Guilt	“This is my fault.” “I must not tell; I’ll get in trouble.”	“You desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place” (Psalm 51:6).
• Shame	“Something must be wrong with me.” “I am a bad person.”	“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:14).
• Unforgiveness	“I’ll never forgive them.” “I wish they were dead.”	“… if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25).
• Fear	“What will happen to me if someone finds out?” “What if someone hurts me again?”	“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4).
• Hopelessness	“Things have never been good.” “Life will never get better.”	“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13).
• Self-centeredness	“I never have fun or enjoy life like others do.” “It’s hard to think of anything but my unhappiness.”	“The Lord will vindicate me; your love, Lord, endures forever …” (Psalm 138:8).

(June Hunt, Biblical Counseling Keys on Victimization: Victory Over the Victim Mentality (Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart, 2003), 21–22.)

When left unchecked, these mental and emotional barriers block the light of God’s Word from reaching the heart and cause a victim mindset to set in.

We erect spiritual barriers, emotional barriers, and now we will see that we build relational barriers as well

So what is the correlation between building relational barriers and developing a victim mentality?

Amidst her sorrow and lack of clarity, Naomi is unable to comprehend that God is carefully arranging events for her benefit, and the key to this is her faithful companion, Ruth.

Ruth decides to gather leftover grain in a field owned by Boaz, who is a relative of Elimelech, Naomi’s late husband, in order to feed herself and her mother-in-law. He is a benevolent and noble guy, generously supporting and safeguarding Ruth in her endeavors.

Naomi’s desolate eyes brighten with a flicker of optimism upon learning the location where Ruth is gathering leftover grain.…

“ ‘The Lord bless him!’ Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. ‘He has not stopped showing his kindness to the living and the dead.’ She added, ‘That man is our close relative; he is one of our guardian-redeemers.’ ”

(Ruth 2:20)

You guessed it we have another chart.

Frequently, individuals who adopt a victim mentality perceive themselves as being relational.…

Prisoners of the Past

Faulty Reactions	Distorted Conclusions	Biblical Truth
• Fear	“People are unsafe.” “I must protect myself.”	“Do not be afraid of anyone, for judgment belongs to God” (Deuteronomy 1:17).
• Distrust	“People are unreliable.” “I must guard myself.”	“… there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).
• Anger	“People are perpetrators.” “I must avenge myself.”	“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).
• Insecurity	“People are selfish.” “I must fend for myself.”	“All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need” (Acts 2:44–45).

As survivors of abuse progress in their lives, they often surpass their flawed and juvenile perspectives on life. They discard their past and embark on a quest for satisfaction by pursuing individual objectives, such as devotion to God, matrimony, parenthood, professional advancement, financial prosperity, and other personal achievements.

Regrettably, the coping mechanisms that these individuals learned during their childhood to endure difficult circumstances persist as integral aspects of their personalities. These tendencies can solidify into impenetrable barriers surrounding emotional distress or injury, hindering self-awareness, vulnerability, and genuine closeness in relationships.

Although people who have been victimized as children seek for adult love… Frequently, embarking on a voyage inside their suppressed emotions appears excessively intimidating, and comprehending the concealed deceit feels profoundly intricate.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

(Jeremiah 17:9)

Why does cultivating fearfulness result in adopting a victim mentality?

Fear does not manifest spontaneously or independently. There is a factor that predisposes you to be influenced by fear, and there is a factor that activates that dread. The setup took place in the past, whereas the trigger happens in the present. Discovering the reality behind your fear will yield insight into the reasons for your current state of being controlled by fear and trapped in a mindset of victimhood.…

“Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.”

(Psalm 55:5)

I found this extremely helpful.

Past Setups for Fear

• Monumental Experiences

— Traumatic event

— Scary situations

— Abusive relationships

— Fearful role models

Gain awareness of the underlying cause of your fear and confront the reality of both past and present circumstances.

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me” (1 Corinthians 13:11).

• Emotional Overload

— Pent-up, unacknowledged feelings

— Unrealistic expectations

— Harsh, stressful environment

— Demanding, rejecting authority figures

Gain awareness of the underlying cause of your fear and seek God’s assistance in recovering from your emotional wounds.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6–7).

• Situational Avoidance

— Refusal to face fears

— Rejection of chances for change

— Reinforcement of fears

— Repetition of negative thought patterns

Recognize the underlying cause of your fear and permit the Lord to assist you in confronting your fears.

“I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you” (Isaiah 41:13).

• Dismal Outlook

— Anticipation of danger and disaster

— Expectation of frustration and failure

— Belief of lies

— Rejection of truth

Identify the underlying cause of your fear and confront yourself with the truth.

(June Hunt, Biblical Counseling Keys on Victimization: Victory Over the Victim Mentality (Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart, 2003), 21–22.)

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).

Now let’s ask

What is the relationship between victimization and codependency?

Codependency is a predictable consequence of abuse, just like how day always follows night. They are often closely associated … and with good justification. The reciprocal relationship between these two elements perpetuates and confines individuals within a recurring and agonizing pattern… a pattern that God desires to disrupt in order to facilitate liberation…

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

(Galatians 5:1)

Here is some more helpful information to help you break free from this recurring and agonizing pattern.

Codependency

Question: “How are victimized children set up to become codependent adults?”

Response: Nobody consciously intends to develop emotional addiction. Love cravings frequently arise during childhood due to a lack of emotional nourishment, resulting in empty “love buckets”. These children may develop into adult individuals with a compulsive need for love and intimacy because they…

• Did not receive enough positive affirmation as children

• Grew up feeling unloved, insignificant, and insecure

• Experienced a traumatic separation or a lack of bonding

• Felt and continue to feel intense sadness and a profound loss at being abandoned

• Experienced repeated rejection from their parents

• Felt and continue to feel extreme fear, helplessness, and emptiness

Children who lack emotional fulfillment develop an imaginary belief in a rescuer who will alleviate their anxiety and ultimately provide them with a sense of completeness. As adults, they continue to exhibit emotionally dependent behavior reminiscent of “children” who …

• Believe that being loved by someone—anyone—is the solution to their emptiness

• Enter relationships believing the other person cannot take care of themselves

• Assign too much value and power to the other person in a relationship

• Have tremendously unrealistic expectations of the other person

• Try to “stick like glue” to the other person in order to feel connected

• Live in fear that those who truly love them will ultimately leave them

The predicament of an individual addicted to love may appear insurmountable if not for the divine intervention of the Lord, who serves as the sole genuine deliverer, offering them boundless and everlasting affection. The Bible provides this guarantee …

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

(Jeremiah 31:3)

Codependent Relationships

Question: “What draws people into destructive, codependent relationships?”

Response: Individuals who experience emotional dependency during childhood and fail to acquire the essential abilities for establishing mature, well-functioning relationships do not develop a healthy sense of interdependence.

— They have difficulty speaking the truth, asking for what they want, and setting boundaries.

— They become codependent adults who are addicted to unhealthy relationships because they never learned anything different.

— They are desperately in need of finishing what they began in infancy—to grow up emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually so they can mature relationally!

The Bible employs the analogy of newborns consuming milk instead of solid food to describe those who are not yet fully formed.

“Though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.”

(Hebrews 5:12–13)

So now we ask

What is the underlying cause of a victim mentality?

Naomi, who previously experienced a lack of enthusiasm for life, now perceives a glimmer of optimism in the future.

According to tradition, the closest relative has the initial chance to purchase or “redeem” the property of a deceased individual. Naomi intends to sell a field that was owned by Elimelech. Boaz is considering purchasing the field, however, there is a closer relative who has the first right to acquire the property.

The man’s curiosity wanes upon learning that the legal deal entails obtaining ownership of the widow Ruth. Evidently, the property had been inherited by Ruth’s deceased husband, Mahlon, following his father’s demise. It is necessary “… to maintain the name of the dead with his property” (Ruth 4:5).

The kinsman rejects the full proposal, and Boaz acquires the land and marries Ruth. Naomi’s bitterness is alleviated as she welcomes the birth of her son, Obed.The user’s text is straightforward and precise.

“The women said to Naomi: ‘Praise be to the Lord, who this day has not left you without a guardian-redeemer. May he become famous throughout Israel! He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age. For your daughter-in-law, who loves you and who is better to you than seven sons, has given him birth.’ ”

(Ruth 4:14–15)

Individuals who continue to be confined by a victim mentality do so as a result of a belief system that perpetuates their perception of being devoid of agency to effect change. Consequently, individuals sometimes exhibit a reluctance to assume accountability for their own process of healing and development.

• Wrong Belief:

“During my upbringing, I lacked the ability to alter the course of my life, and presently, I remain devoid of the capability to make any significant changes.” The events that have occurred in my life have shaped my identity, and I believe that I am not entitled to anything superior. Furthermore, I lack the necessary competence and proficiency compared to others, and the apprehension of being exposed as the unsuccessful individual I am inundates me.

Right Belief:

As a child of God, I possess the indwelling of Christ, endowing me with His transformative power. I relinquish my apprehension about failure and assume the duty to surmount my previous experiences, for I trust in the unwavering nature of God. He will accomplish the task! I have the ability to control and restrain all of my thoughts and initiate a systematic process of altering my mindset in order to achieve emotional, interpersonal, and spiritual well-being. I am resolute to …”

“… demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and … take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

I know I can do this because …

“His divine power has given [me] everything [I] need for a godly life through [my] knowledge of him who called [me] by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3).

Ultimately, we have to come to the conclusion that we must

Face Our Predicament

Pay careful attention to what I am about to write, as it holds the key to overcoming.

• Understanding that God allowed your abuse, but did not cause or approve of it, is of utmost importance! God harbors an intense hatred towards wickedness and violence and will eventually eradicate all forms of evil and malevolent actions. He will deliver an everlasting verdict upon those who persist in their wicked behavior.…

“I will punish the world for its evil, the wicked for their sins. I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty and will humble the pride of the ruthless.”

(Isaiah 13:11)

• Yes, God allowed it, but…

— Realize that human will must always be separated from God’s will.

— It is important to differentiate between permitting sin and actively producing or endorsing sinful behavior.

— Understand that God will pass judgment on sin and individuals who commit it, according to His own timing and methods.

— It is important to remember that God did not intervene to save His Son from the hands of wicked individuals and their wicked actions. Instead, He permitted Him to endure a profoundly agonizing suffering of victimization and death.

— Take heart in the knowledge that, even if God allows evil, He has the desire and ability to save both those who harmed others and those who have been harmed by others. He want to rejuvenate them and utilize them to fulfill His divine objectives.

Reckon that life is nothing more than a vapor. Nevertheless, God intends to transform you into the exact likeness of His cherished Son, Jesus Christ, because He loves you as His own child.

“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.… For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son.…”

(Romans 8:37–39, 29)

It is natural to question or distrust things that do not align with our perceptions or that we do not comprehend.

— It is normal to be perplexed when something unexplainable happens. Hence, when one becomes a victim, it is instinctive to question the divine, “Why?”

— Even righteous Job questioned God.… “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?” (Job 3:11).

• In periods of uncertainty …— Remember that God has an infallible plan for your life that cannot be hindered by anything or anyone.…

“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.… For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?” (Job 42:2; Isaiah 14:27).

— Remember that God is omniscient and is always preeminent in guiding your path. He consistently supports you with His hand.

“You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.… Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?… If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast” (Psalm 139:5, 7, 9–10).

— Remember that God’s methods are different from ours and His thoughts are far superior, making it impossible for us to predict His intentions or understand His approach.

“How great are your works, Lord, how profound your thoughts!… ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’ ” (Psalm 92:5; Isaiah 55:8–9).

— Remember that God loves you intensely and that He will produce positive outcomes from all the events that occur in your life, including the malicious actions carried out by wicked individuals.…

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

— Reaffirm the fact that God possesses unlimited power, complete knowledge, constant presence, absolute righteousness, and that He has a valid purpose for every event He permits in your life.…

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2–4).

— Remember that you are a malleable substance under the control of God, particles shaped into a human being by your divine Creator, who intricately assembled you in your mother’s womb and documented every single day of your existence in His record even before they occurred.…

“Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again?… For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.… all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Job 10:9; Psalm 139:13, 16).

Now Comes the difficult part

Ways to Pardon Your Perpetrator

Have you ever observed the presence of the word “give” within the term “forgiveness”? By opting to forgive, you bestow upon someone a valuable present… The gift of liberation from the obligation to bear the consequences of offending you… the gift of absolving the indebtedness owing to you! To effectively bestow this challenging “gift,” it may be necessary to progress through four distinct phases of forgiveness. However, it is important to acknowledge that by doing so, you are also bestowing onto yourself the invaluable present of “living without harboring resentments.” Indeed, that represents genuine liberty. Consequently, the Bible asserts …

“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.”

(Leviticus 19:18)

The 4 Stages of Forgiveness

#1 Face the Offense.

Forgiveness is the only medicine that can soothe a wound that is deep, personal, unfair, and wounded. Initially, it is imperative to confront the reality of the actual actions that have taken place, without impeding genuine recovery by justifying or fixating on erroneous thoughts.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

(Ephesians 4:32)

• Avoid downplaying the offense by rationalizing: “Regardless of how poorly he treats me, it is acceptable.”

TRUTH: Poor treatment is unacceptable. There is just no justification for any form of mistreatment under any circumstances.The user’s text is straightforward and precise.

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” (Ephesians 5:11).

• Resist the urge to rationalize the offender’s actions by saying that “he doesn’t mean to hurt me.Since he is a member of my family, I ought not to feel apprehensive or distressed in his presence.

TRUTH: Regardless of the offender’s age or our relationship with them, it is imperative that we label wrongdoing as “sin.” We must confront the reality rather than attempting to alter it. In order to grant forgiveness, it is necessary for there to exist an individual who is responsible for a wrongdoing.The user’s text is straightforward and precise.

“Whoever says to the guilty, ‘You are innocent,’ will be cursed by peoples …” (Proverbs 24:24).

• Avoid the assumption that prompt forgiveness equates to complete forgiveness by believing: “Upon the occurrence of that dreadful ordeal, I expeditiously and entirely pardoned him.” “That is the instruction I have received!”

TRUTH: Numerous individuals with good intentions experience feelings of guilt when they fail to provide prompt forgiveness. Consequently, they exhibit a rapid propensity for forgiveness. However, they have not yet experienced the complete consequences of the offense nor properly mourned the true events. Sin’s profound consequences are not immediately experienced. Instead, its influence is experienced at various degrees across a duration of time.

Consequently, forgiveness must be offered at each of these levels. The act of quickly forgiving someone for profound hurts may appear satisfactory, but it does not constitute “complete forgiveness” until it has been offered at every level of influence. Prior to granting full forgiveness, it is necessary to confront the facts regarding the severity of the transgression and its lasting repercussions on oneself.The user’s text is straightforward and precise.

“You [God] desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.”

(Psalm 51:6)

#2 Feel the Offense.

Typically, we do not harbor hatred against strangers or acquaintances; rather, we just experience rage towards strangers. According to Lewis Smedes, the destruction of anything that was formed by our dedication and intimacy results in the destruction of something valuable. Deep, unjust suffering may elicit genuine emotions of indignation or even hatred. The deep-seated animosity towards a wrongdoer must be acknowledged and addressed from the depths of our own selves. Nevertheless, not every animosity is unjustifiable. God harbors a strong hatred towards evil.

“But you, Sovereign Lord, help me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me.”

(Psalm 109:21–22)

• Avoid suppressing your pain by rationalizing: “I don’t hold her responsible for constantly criticizing me… She is experiencing significant pressure, and it does not negatively affect me.

TRUTH: Experiencing mistreatment from a person you have strong affection for can be quite distressing. Experiencing pain is a prerequisite for the process of healing.

“The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

• Avoid harboring false guilt by believing that you should feel bad about what was done to you. “I’m not supposed to be hateful.”

TRUTH: Sin offends God. A hatred of sin is something you are capable of as well. Hatred of the sin is expected, but not of the sinner…

“To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech” (Proverbs 8:13).

#3 Forgive the Offender.

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.Alexander Pope’s well-known statement serves as a celestial reminder to all of us. But the real world operates more along the lines of “Mistakes are human, but blaming others is more human!” Isn’t it easier to place blame than to provide forgiveness? However, God asks us to extend forgiveness. And when you do forgive, it becomes authentic and brings you closer to God, transforming your life into that of Christ, the divine.

“You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”

(2 Corinthians 3:3)

• Create a list of all the offenses committed by your offender.

• At this moment, picture yourself with a hook affixed to your collarbone. And picture all of the suffering brought on by the wrong that was done to you, attached to the hook.

• Consider whether you genuinely desire to bear the burden of that pain indefinitely. It is desirable for you to relinquish the pain from your past and entrust it to the Lord.

• After that, put your offender on God’s hook and remove them from your emotional hook. Your wrongdoer will be dealt with by the Lord in His own time and manner. God declares…

“Bear with each other and forgive one another. if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

(Colossians 3:13)

Arguement: “I am unable to forgive and forget.” “I keep picturing myself getting hurt.”

Answer: A case of “holy amnesia” does not occur when an individual elects to forgive. However, once you have confronted the offender and confronted the suffering, refrain from replaying the agony of the past in your mind. You should forget your suffering. Avoid fixating on your pain.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past” (Isaiah 43:18).

#4 Find Oneness.

Relationships that are characterized by animosity inevitably come to an end, while ones that are characterized by forgiveness ultimately succeed. Nevertheless, achieving reconciliation in a relationship, which involves restoring unity, depends on several crucial criteria. The foremost factor is that the wrongdoer must openly own their wrongdoing, feel genuine remorse, and exhibit tangible evidence of a transformed lifestyle. If these criteria are fulfilled, namely, if both parties demonstrate a steadfast dedication to adhering to the teachings of Christ and maintaining integrity in their relationship, there exists a genuine prospect for the restoration of unity and harmony between them.

The Bible says …

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.”

(Philippians 2:1–2)

Forgiving the Offender and the Offense

Question: “Must I extend forgiveness even in cases of grave wrongdoing?”

Answer: You are being requested to grant forgiveness to both the wrongdoer and the wrongdoing. Choosing an alternative course of action would include retaining both elements and experiencing the burden they impose.

“If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

(Matthew 6:14)

Remaining a Victim

Question: “Does the act of forgiving necessitate that I must persist in being a victim?”

Answer: Negative. Granting forgiveness to others liberates you from the unfounded guilt that is confining you.

“If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

(Matthew 6:15)

God Is with Us When We Suffer

Question: “Where was God when my abuse was occurring?”

Answer: Two of the attributes of God: omniscience (all-knowing) and omnipresence (being present everywhere). Though God never intends evil, He is present with us when we suffer. And, while He does not promise to take away suffering in this sinful life, He does promise to take it away in the life to come.…

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

(Revelation 21:4)

God Will Punish the Offender

Question: “Why doesn’t God punish the offender?”

Answer: He will punish the evil and exalt the innocent at His appointed time and in His appointed manner….

“… the power of the wicked will be broken, but the Lord upholds the righteous.”

(Psalm 37:17)

Trust God’s Love

Question: “How could a loving God allow this?”

Answer: Just as He does with His own Son, Jesus, the suffering that our heavenly Father permits serves a purpose and significance. Moreover, we can place our trust in the heart of God even when we fail to comprehend His methods. His love is certain and steadfast.…

“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”

(1 Peter 2:21)

Releasing Bitterness When the Offender Is Dead

Question: “How can I let go of my bitterness toward my victimizer, who is now deceased?” is the question.

Even though you are unable to face your victimizer face-to-face, you can still indirectly confront them by speaking as though they were in front of you and saying what you would want or need to say.

* Think about the “chair technique.” Picture the individual in question sitting in a chair in front of you. Speak to them like you would if you were genuinely sat across a table from each other. Talk about how you feel about what was done to you and how those events have affected your life. After that, extend your forgiveness and clarify that you have moved the offending party onto God’s emotional hook.

• Write a letter to your victim, detailing every unpleasant memory. Read it over the person’s grave or in a place where you can openly speak to them as if you were in their presence. Then, at the end, choose to forgive by releasing your victimizer into God’s hands.

• Compile an inventory of both traumatic and joyful recollections. Return to the starting point and annotate each memory with the word “past” once the list is complete. Recognize and consent to the fact that the past has passed. As an act of volition, surrender the individual and all the anguish to God . Transfer the individual and their suffering from your personal emotional hook to God’s

Simply because your victimizer has passed away does not preclude you from forgiving and preventing resentment from developing in your heart and mind. The Bible declares…

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

(Hebrews 12:15)

Where Is The Accountability For The Church?

by Josh Monda | May 22, 2022 | Christianity, Church, pastor, random thoughts, Uncategorized

In recent years there has been plenty of talk about holding the leadership of churches accountable, and rightfully so. The leader who abuses their power and who seeks to fleece the flock should always be held accountable for their sin. Even if that accountability does not take place on earth, we can take comfort in the fact that God will hold all leaders to a special kind of accountability; this is made clear in the book of James, where we read, “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly” (James 3:1). Honestly, I do not know of any pastors who desire to be biblical who would make an argument for no accountability in leadership; in fact, most of them have made the opposite argument. In fact, this is one of the great benefits of a plurality of elders having a group of men qualified to be elders holding one another accountable. That is really not what I want to deal with here. I do not want to deal with what happens when the pastor is abusive, but what happens when the pastor is the one being abused? I read this tweet that was put out last year “For every horror story you tell me about a pastor who abused his leadership, I can tell you ten about leaders who abused their pastor.” There is an abundance of truth in that tweet.

Why is there so little written about this subject? It almost seems like this is the deep dark sin of the church that no one wants to talk about. I look around at many friends, acquaintances, and people I know who are no longer pastors; most of them will never return to the ministry, and granted, I am only hearing one side of the story, but from all intensive purposes, the problem was not their leadership it was not that they were abusive to their church, but often they were the ones being abused. They were not being abused by the church as a whole but being abused by a select group of power players in the church that had it out for them for one reason or another. In recent months I have read one story after another of pastors being abused; some of these stories are horrific; when I have read them, I could not help but think this is not how Christians are to act. Pastors coming back from sabbaticals to find out they are fired. Small groups of enraged members propagate disinformation and falsehoods to congregations to remove a pastor from any position of power or moral authority (in my case, it is still happening). Stories of pastors pouring their lives into person after person, only for those people to take the pastor’s services for free and then ghost the pastor for the tiniest reasons. What happens if for every story we have of a pastor abusing authority, there are ten pastors who are being abused. I see friends who are beaten, battered, and bruised by the sheep they were leading,, and it breaks my heart.

What happens to these churches? If the leader is abusive, he will often lose his job, resign in shame, and will never enter the ministry again, or they will just go somewhere else and do it all over again; when the church is abusive, guess what the same thing happens. The pastor often resigns in shame and leaves the ministry, never to return again. Where is the accountability? Apparently, there is not any. What is the recourse? Apparently, there is none. Perhaps my view is a bit jaded because I am one of those pastors, but this is why I set out to read as much as I could and talk to some people that had left their church. The story is almost always very close to being identical.

Someone in the church gets upset for one reason or another; this person wields power for whatever reason in the church often because they are the main giver, or they have been there the longest, or they are the gossiper, or whoever it might be. Sometimes it is all of these people coming against the pastor. I wonder if we will ever launch a study on this? Probably not because that would mean a black eye. Anyway, the pastor resigns, the troublemaker in the church gets their way, the pastor loses what seems like his whole way of life, and the church just acts like nothing happened. Sometimes in my denomination, some people will sweep in and do all they can to rescue this church. This is probably because this is far easier than reprimanding the church; after all, the church gives money, and the pastor doesn’t. I am thankful that I initially received some help, but I know that is not the norm. Sure the church may be known as “the church who runs pastors through the meat grinder,” as one deacon said to me, but does that matter? Does it matter when sin is not addressed? Does it matter when they continue to go one like they always have? Does it matter when they get to blame their sin on others or pretend like sin was not the issue?

In the meantime, the pastor has lost his whole way of life. He does not get to be with those other pastors that he at least thought were his friends. His community is gone, and he is no longer using the gifts that God has given him to serve the kingdom, primarily the gift of preaching/teaching. The pastor feels isolated, lonely, and sometimes without hope. Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, months turn to years, and this calling that so gripped his soul is somehow gone. Maybe he wants to continue on, but he is afraid things will just turn out the same, and so it is easier to just give up. Here is my question? For these churches that are part of a denomination, why are they allowed to just keep doing the same thing over and over again? Why is there no accountability for the church? Why doesn’t anyone step in to the gap and address the issue? Why are they allowed to just blame it on the pastor and move on? Why do we indulge this kind of behavior? Do we really believe that they will not answer for this sin in the end? Do we really believe that the right way to handle it is to pretend like there is no problem and move on? Do we really believe that by aiding in their sinfulness, we won’t answer for it? Seemingly we do.

I can remember the day I told my children Iwas resigning one of my children innocently said “but dad who is going to tell them about Jesus” and on that day another one of my children checked out from church. Over the course of the next several days I could hear it in the questions they were asking. They could not understand why Christians would act this way “so these people now for whatever reason hate dad?” In some respects I appreciated the comment as it told me they saw me different than those making accusations. In another way though I knew they began to check out. I pray for them daily that they will be drawn back in.

I recently went on a pastors retreat and heard a message on pastoral perseverance where the message was speaking about the slow death that pastors are called to die and these things left me weeping and in tears as I thought of my own slow death that would eventually come.

From 2 Corinthains 4

1. Pastors die at a different rate based on circumstances

The harder the ministry context the quicker the death comes. Do not compare yourself to each other. Do not compare your death to someone else’s death. The body keeps the score.

2. Pastors have different capacities to die

We are all made differently. We all have different thresholds that we can endure. You can’t compare your capacity with another.

3. Pastors are given what we need to not lose heart as we die.

This will push us to the brink but it will not destroy us. V.1 He will not spare us from the death because it is part of his plan that we die but he will be with us to allow us to die well.

4. Pastors thrive in this death by embracing weakness

V . 7 Christ is most strong in us in our weakness it is our weakness that fuels the strength of Christ. Do not fight against the death but embrace it.

Brother pastor, if you have stumbled across this blog and you have rad this far you may be hurting I want you to remember the cross always precedes the crown. It is hard to suffer abuse of power, but the chief pastor willingly suffered the abuse of power on a hill called Calvary, and we are his undershepherds, and honestly, we should expect no less. There is a day coming when the injsutices against you will be made right. If you are not a pastor and you have read this and you know your pastor or of a pastor being abused I would beg of you do all you can to stop it. I was able to find a few articles on this subject they are linked below if you would like to read more.

Is Your Church Committing Pastor Abuse? 5 Warning Signs

https://www.christiancentury.org/review/books/how-dying-churches-abuse-pastors

If you are a pastor in an abusive church, please know that you are not alone

Christians need to tell their story because it is the story of God’s redemption

by Josh Monda | Nov 29, 2021 | Mental Health, random thoughts

Christianity is the story of God’s redemption. The Christian narrative begins with the fall of humanity, which was due to the first man and woman’s disobedience to God’s command not to eat from the tree of knowledge. This disobedient act resulted in sin entering into humanity and death afflicting humankind. Humanity cannot fix this, except through Christ, who became a man Himself, took on our sins and died for them.

While reading about Elijah recently, I realized that while Christians may at times feel like their story is not essential or that telling their story will not help them or others, that is just not the case. For one reason or another, we refuse to tell our story of grief. Maybe it is fear that our story really is meaningless, or perhaps it is fear that our story is not that bad. Maybe we have a suspicion that telling our story of loss and grief will only conjure up feelings of pain and hurt that we will not be able to deal with. Regardless the story needs to be told. Christians need to talk about their account to understand the depth of what it means to be redeemed. The Bible says that for someone’s sins to be forgiven, they must confess them and then make recompense (Numbers 5:7). It sounds like a lot, but the word “recompense” is translated from the Hebrew word “kippah,” which means “to cover.” How does one cover their sin? In the Old Testament, sin was covered by sacrificing a spotless lamb; however, Jesus is that lamb. There is no more sacrifice needed; Jesus paid the price. So when one receives Christ as savior, their sin is forgiven. How does this relate to telling our Story?

In Genesis 32, Elijah has fled from Jezebel Elijah makes it to Horeb, and something interesting happens. God permits Elijah to tell his story of grief. Not once but twice. God already knew why Elijah was grieving, and yet He allowed Elijah to tell the story. We must realize as followers of Christ that it is a wonderful relief to be able to tell your grief. To sit down and ponder those moments of sorrow, pain, loss, heartache, hurts, and allow the floodgate to open and for your sorrows to run away. If there is no one to hear it but God, that is ok; if there is no human to listen to our grief, it is still sweet to unburden your heart of the pain. However, I would challenge all Christians not to allow it to stop there. If we allow it to stop with just sharing our grief with the Lord, we have stopped short of the gospel. Instead, I would challenge us to share our stories with others so that we can reveal God’s redemptive purpose.

The Biblical Story

Salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, who died on the cross and rose again to defeat sin and death forever. The stories one finds in Christianity are no less riveting than any other great story, but they are different. Christians need to tell their story because it is the story of God’s redemption. It is not the story of how man gets to heaven or even finds their way to heaven but rather the account of one man who was God in the flesh who came to earth to pay the price we could never pay. If we keep our story to ourselves, we will never express or learn to express God’s redemptive plan in the middle of our mess. The core of our story remains unchanged; we are redeemed by Jesus Christ’s power and strive to share that message with others. We must stand up and proclaim that God is making a difference in this world, and it starts with each individual who trusts Jesus Christ as their Savior.

Who we are

We are God’s children and heirs to eternal life with Him in heaven. Christians need to tell their story because it is the story of God’s redemption. Some people wonder if there is a Creator, and some even question if they have a soul. The world often leaves people feeling empty and without hope. But we can rest assured in knowing that we belong to God and He has a plan for our lives: We were created for a purpose. The purpose does not include never opening our mouths and sharing about the one we believe is the savior of people. Who are we? We are children of God called and designed to share our stories with others. This lead me to this

Christian Witness

Living a life of faithfulness to God… means living a life of courage and hope.

Living a life of faithfulness to God not only means living a life of courage and hope but also living in the light. When Christians come out and tell their story, they proclaim that God never gives up and that there is always healing and redemption. Sure we may give up, we may throw our hands in the air, we may struggle with the problems we face, but God does not. It’s so crucial for Christians to be open about their faith because, again, it is the story of God’s redemption.

Christians should be open about their faith. Throughout history, Christians have been persecuted for what they do and what they believe in. It is important to tell people that they are not alone, that their life has meaning, that there is a purpose in life, and that they can come back to God even when they feel like giving up.

One of the most significant things about Christianity is that it is an evangelistic religion – Christianity is all about sharing what God has done in one’s life. It’s not just for us Christians, but it’s for everyone. What makes Christianity so significant to the world around us is that it has the power to change lives and give hope when there seems to be none. What makes Christianity so significant to the world around us is that it has the power to change lives. The Christian religion offers a story of hope, love, and redemption – all three of which we need in this difficult world. Christians need to tell their story because in our story is the story of God’s redemption.

Conclusion

The world needs Christians to tell their stories because in it is the story of God’s redemption, which is our hope today. When Christians are able to tell their story with honesty and authenticity, it becomes a challenge for others who may not know Christ. Their hope is to help others see the truth of who Christ is and what He has done for them. In conclusion, Christians need to tell their story because in it is the story of God’s redemption. The Biblical account, who we are, and what we should do as Christians should be told so that others can understand why we believe and live as we do. So that they to may believe.

We are all broken, sinful people who need a savior.

Jesus came to earth, sacrificed himself for us, and willingly died for our sins.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the key to being saved from eternal damnation.

Tell Your Story.

How Should A Christian Handle Trauma

by Josh Monda | Nov 17, 2021 | Mental Health, random thoughts, Uncategorized

I know this is a longer post because this is something dear to my heart; hopefully, you can learn something from this. There is a reason why the Bible instructs Christians to “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God.” (Phil. 4:6). The problem is that trauma can cause people to lose their faith in God. There are many unfortunate things in today’s society, such as natural disasters, terrorist attacks, forms of abuse, losses, and many other things that lead to traumatic experiences.

What is trauma?

Trauma is a psychological term that refers to the emotional response to an event that threatens one’s physical, social, or emotional well-being. Trauma can be defined as an emotional injury that is the result of an adverse event. For Christians, this could be anything from physical abuse to rape to losing a loved one. This trauma can manifest in many ways, but the most common symptom is fear, which is considered multidimensional in traumatic experiences. There are five stages of trauma: -Acute Shock-Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression The best way for a Christian to handle trauma is first by acknowledging it. This will make it easier to deal with. Secondly, they should turn their attention towards God and pray. Lastly, they should seek comfort and help from family, friends and, fellow Christians. However, we all know that often this is not what happens when A Christian experiences trauma; for one reason or another, they feel shame, and instead of dealing with their hurt, they suppress it.

One might ask what exactly are the Causes of Trauma.

A traumatic event is not one’s fault. It is impossible to predict the future and avoid traumatic events, but it is possible to be prepared for them. A person may experience a traumatic event listed below, but we must understand there are many ways to help with trauma, and each person will need a different treatment plan.

Witnessing or experiencing violence

When one witnesses or experiences violence, it is a difficult and traumatic experience. Every year, millions of people fall victim to violence. Their lives are suddenly and irrevocably changed. They may be unable to work, go to school or even feel safe. When violence causes trauma, it can lead to a wide range of mental health problems.

Witnessing the death of loved ones

Every day we live and work, we may experience stress and trauma. Like any other human being, Christians go through difficult life experiences. The death of a loved one is a traumatic event for anyone to experience. Christians have the added need to know whether their loved one believed in Christ or not on top of the desire to know that their loved one knew they loved them.

Witnessing the death of a loved one can be an incredibly traumatic experience.

Witnessing or experiencing sexual assault

Witnessing or experiencing sexual assault can be a very traumatic experience. In some cases, trauma can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which is an anxiety disorder that may cause flashbacks and nightmares of the event. It’s important to remember that not everyone who goes through a sexual assault will develop PTSD – the severity of the trauma will determine if a person experiences this mental health issue. Some people may develop sexual assault trauma disorder (SATD), also known as complex trauma disorder. This disorder can include symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance, dissociation, and anxiety. People may also develop a dissociative identity disorder following a trauma such as sexual abuse.

Experiencing physical abuse

Physical abuse is often an experience that people are left to ponder the aftermath of. As a result, the trauma can cause long-term repercussions for victims. What does this mean for Christians who have experienced physical abuse? While it may be difficult to know the answer in every situation, there are steps that Christian individuals can take to process their experience in healthy ways.

Experiencing verbal abuse

The most common response to trauma is to try and push it out of your mind. However, when you experience verbal abuse, this is not always the case.

First off, you may find days when you can’t stop thinking about what was said to you. Secondly, you may find yourself reacting in anger when someone says something similar. Thirdly, there are times when memories of that hurtful event would arise without any triggering event happening, which is called spontaneous recovery.

Experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event

Typically, a traumatic event is a disturbing, violent, or scary experience that someone goes through. That being said, just because someone has been through a traumatic event does not mean it will lead to trauma. If a person can process their emotions and thoughts about the event, they may not experience trauma. An individual should be aware of mental health resources so they can get help if needed. This way, they have the resources to maintain healthy relationships with themselves and others.

Does trauma happen to Christians?

Obviously, one can look at just a small portion of traumatic events listed and know that Christians experience trauma. The problem arises when “well-meaning” Christians want to treat trauma as something that is not real, or they have the attitude that trauma can be prayed away or even worse that if you are going through trauma, you must lack faith.

Are Christians traumatized? Yes.

Are they traumatized by the same things non-Christians are? Yes.

How should Christians respond to trauma?

Many Christians experience trauma and find themselves unable to cope with the stressors that come with it due to the lack of resources and counseling. Churches especially can be a great resource because they provide a sense of community and knowing that someone else has been through what you’re going through. Churches also can be a place to go to get counseling and support. Christians should first find out what they are experiencing as trauma. How do you know if you are experiencing trauma?

People with trauma often experience a lot of the following symptoms:

– Feeling detached from others

– Feeling isolated

– Feeling hyper-aroused

– Feeling numb

– Feeling angry

– Feeling sad

– Feeling depressed

– Feeling anxious

– Feeling overwhelmed

– Feeling frustrated

– Having trouble concentrating

– Having trouble sleeping

– Having trouble eating

In addition, people who have been traumatized can have these symptoms:

– Agitation and irritability

– Low self-esteem

– Sleep problems

– Impulsivity

– Feeling suicidal

– Thinking of harming themselves or others

– Impulsively acting out

– Having trouble controlling their anger

– Inability to trust others

– Having trouble making decisions

– Having trouble being assertive

– Having trouble focusing

Treatment can help reduce the symptoms of trauma.

Healing takes time, so you need to be patient with yourself and allow God’s power to work on you.

How can one work through memories of trauma?

In the past, when people were traumatized, they might feel guilty about what happened because they thought that they were supposed to be strong and that they were supposed to be able to get through it. They might have thought that they deserved the trauma. A therapist can help you take a different perspective that would change your entire life.

If you are ready to work through your trauma, there are a few things you should do.

– Talk to someone about your trauma. Especially someone who will understand. This person might be a friend or a family member, a pastor, or a counselor.

– Get the help of a therapist. If you are in a relationship, this person can help you work through your trauma.

In the aftermath of a traumatic event, it is not uncommon for a person to experience a great deal of anxiety and fear. The resulting feelings can cause significant stress and instability in their lives. It can also lead to mental health concerns such as depression, insomnia, and social withdrawal. These symptoms are very challenging to manage because they leave the individual feeling much worse about themselves and their situation.

Getting Help

If you have gone through trauma, I want to encourage you to get help.

Trauma can be tough. It can leave us feeling alone and afraid, and we might suppress our emotions for years after the event happens. It is essential to know that there is hope and healing available. One way to do this is through talk therapy: talking to a therapist about what happened and their feelings. Another option is through prayer: praying and seeking support from God and others to find peace again. Please reach out, even if it is to me. You do not need to carry this burden alone.

Conclusion:

How the Scriptures encourage us to handle trauma.

Many people find themselves in situations where they are faced with traumatic events. After these events occur, many people are left with questions about handling the trauma they have experienced. They may experience intense feelings of anger, disappointment, grief, or guilt. The scriptures encourage us to be gentle and kind to ourselves and others and accept that God’s peace is found in Christ. Your own personal relationship with God is not based on your ability to do something but on your willingness to receive God’s grace. You may be wondering how a Christian should go about handling trauma with the Bible. After all, the Bible speaks extensively on how we should live when things are going well and when they are difficult. Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you.” Matthew 11:28.

The Bible was written by people who experienced trauma during their lifetime. A Christian should not be afraid to discuss these experiences with God and other Christians. God wants to help us all heal, but sometimes it may take time and be difficult. God will do everything in His power to help us heal.

I close with this.

Every human being will experience trauma. It is impossible to go through life without experiencing some type of trauma. As a Christian, you, too, will encounter tragedy and hardship. However, God has promised to never leave us or forsake us.

« Older Entries

The Art of Peacemaking: A Biblical Perspective

Shadow of Christ: Moses as God’s Mediator

Standing in the Gap

God’s Perfect Preparation

The Heart of a Defender

Called to Be Peacemakers

Christ: Our Perfect Mediator

Living It Out Today

The Ministry of Reconciliation

The Greater Mediation

Our Daily Call to Mediation

The Silent Threat: Divisive People in the Church

Unity and Division in the Early Church

Greeting One Another in Christ

Protecting the Church From False Doctrine

Identify Divisive Individuals

A Call to Wisdom and Innocence

Reflection and Application

Marks of a Victim Mentality

Marks of a Victim Mentality

Where Is The Accountability For The Church?

Christians need to tell their story because it is the story of God’s redemption

The Biblical Story

Who we are

Christian Witness

Living a life of faithfulness to God… means living a life of courage and hope.

How Should A Christian Handle Trauma

What is trauma?

Witnessing or experiencing violence

Witnessing the death of loved ones

Witnessing or experiencing sexual assault

Experiencing physical abuse

Experiencing verbal abuse

Experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event

Does trauma happen to Christians?

How should Christians respond to trauma?

Healing takes time, so you need to be patient with yourself and allow God’s power to work on you.

Getting Help

Conclusion:

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